a tale that u help to create

when i say we are drifting apart
u say "naahhh....never"
when i say you are getting different
u tell "naahh....i dont feel like changing"
when i say times has grew us apart
u say "no worries, things remain the same"

but, when i call, u dont pick up like u usually do
if u pick up, u dont talk like we usually did

and when i text u dont reply as if i send thousands
if u did, it'll still hurt either with ur short reply or with the absence feeling of sincere "u" in that msg.


should i stick to myself- that everything does change
or should i just pretend that nothing matter??

either way, i dont think u are being brave enough to admit that u've indeed change
not that i will be angry. i might get upset awhile, or disappointed
but then,it'll be different story if  i wasnt given a false hope.

u see, disappointment comes from expectation
expectation are build from hope
hope exist when there's something that u can rely on
and that something is, in this case, is the friendship we had.

i've been asking and forcing myself to let things go with the flow
but what flow am i going to follow?

i've asked for forgiveness,
but maybe i havent even forgive myself
and without forgiving, i might have problems with forgetting.

pardon me dear friend
for i was carried away with some delusion supported with wild assumption
and i dont even move on thou i thought i have,

coz, when i thought i saw any hope,
i end up getting disappointed more.
it's not u, it's just me whose soul is in shadow
cant even differentiate between real hope and "for-the-sake-of-being-nice attitude so that ida wont get hurt" thingy~~~~
trust me, i will still get hurt either way
it just that, i'm asking u a favor,
let me get hurt with honor
let me get hurt with honesty
let me get hurt by facing reality.
tell me the direct truth and no sembunyi-sembunyi
i may end up crying, or hurting
but one thing for sure, i can end up this "delusion" that u help to create.
i can end up this confusion along with the hope
and maybe, i can even forgive myself and forget

do me a favor,
help me to move on
without this confusion
that clouding my mind

period.