Hye November, Bye October =)
i tried to reminisce back the last time i had my November. Oh, dang i can't recall exactly things happened 2 weeks ago let alone 1 year -__-" it seem so far far away already. to everything. even to my 1230-1400 paper just now. yup, like the old saying "the farthest thing in ur life would be your past"
hurm....picking up the pieces, last November should be my final exam. yup. and then i remember having to work full time at KFC for 2 weeks before going for my internship programme. haha...the-i-thought-the-hardest-period-ever for an intern is a slice of life. i cried over hardship and tense. so does the overtime and low pay.but i gain new friendship, restore my determination, learn new things... well, this is life. everytime u think that u have been greatly hit that u thought u never recover or survive, u thought wrong. life always has surprises waiting for u on the other side of the room. u think that u've pass the test room,and u could just run away but what happened is u will bump into another.
this time, November might be the last November i welcomed as student. entering the 8th week of study. passing my mid term test already and i start to shiver. what happen next? the rest of 6th week (8 including study week and mid term break) . what happen when i officially turn 23 this Nov 25th? what happen with the working phase? the phase where i waited long ago since i was 13. phase i thought that i would break free from everything, where i will make my own decision- my rules, my way. would i survive? huu...try to see the glass half full thou. i mean, willing to take the risk, accept this challenge. the future? lets tomorrow do the talk.
October have been tough on me ever since it began, huuuuu....i start seeing things that i dont want to see. i can see it coming. i become unfocused on study. i cant cope with things anymore. running errands, paying for the bills, going to school. see, this semester actually the first time i'm renting outside campus because i thought of a better sleep at night every time i need to work during the weekdays. i choose to live outside. i choose to rent out. my very own decision. Then,Assignments come piling up one after another, with quizzes, presentation, syllabus to cover . they always bugging me for better time management. money had always be my top priorities. i dont have a long term plan. always making short cut that end up biting me in future. the thought that i need to end up my semester on time is indeed a pressure. 10 months away from classes have make things difficult. its like i'm starting all over again. setting up my paces, sorting out chores, assigning things to do etc. etc things that only a freshie would do..haha
then comes the part where i need to reschedule my working hours so as to get like what 600 bucks a month? hmm...this is the hardest actually especially when i used to live with enough money in hand. i cant do two things at one time. and i'm well aware i have to forgo one for the other. it feels good to be at home at 9pm, wondering what to eat, googling things, stalking friends profile of FB. it feels good to have enough rest for tomorrow. it feels good to actually do my assignment with my body and soul are fully attached and functional. it feels good to feel like a full time student-again. i do wonder sometimes with all the ample time i endure now, would it be meaningful or would it make a difference if i used it for work? naahh, i pass the work thingy. haha...it'll surely drained my strength out and when i woke up tmrw, i'll regret i ever work tonight. see, things are kind off leaving me with dilemma each time i choose to take an option.
after that, come the shocking news from one of the service provider. oh well, old story where things with my ex have eaten me back. i was shocked. i would be lying if i said i didnt cry. for damn 3 f******* years i dont shed any tears after my freedom. i have to bare the debts he caused. i have to pay the cost for whatever decision i made for believing in him then. some says that i should search him back and make him pay.as for me, i've rest my case long ago. i dont want to deal with this kind of manipulator again.let him be whatever he believe he should be. i'm willing to pay the debts slowly as long as i dont have to face him. sooner or later, if Telco do strengthen its credit policy, i maybe end up blacklisted for this stupid reason. so, holding onto it for at least 10months max is the best option i have right now and i believe it will to continue to be =)
my luck maybe waaaayyyy out of sight in october because the day after Telco case, i sprain my knee. i worked for 9 to 11 hours for straight 3 days and maybe because of the long hours standing and making order as fast as i could, my knee call for a rest..*sigh* i cried all my heart when my manager do the "massage" thing to able me to walk. honestly the tears was not fully because of the pain, but the mix feeling of the stress, the exhaustion, the little hours spent for myself. i cried myself out until i feel i need to get up. someone has to send me to class, someone has to make me breakfast, someone has to bathe me. and that someone is me. DR said my feet need to rest for atleast 2 weeks. sorry DR, duty call. i need to go to class, i need to take my exams, i need to live. i cant depend on ppl to do all of these for me, especially when i cant trust them to be 100% sincere. if there would be any slightest doubt of doing one thing, then, dont do it.
all an all, every tears do come with a smile. that's a package God promises to all mankind. i do meet interesting ppl that encourage and motivate me in his own way-actually everybody does have an impact on me last october.. i also do sign up for interesting event thou i'm not accepted, i do make changes by signing up for charity walk which i found out the very last minute that i've a test. i do start hitting the gym again, getting all sweaty and smelly for this one determination- to feel good. to feel me.i do start making effort to lose some and gain some =)
every cloud have its silver lining. every rain do comes with rainbow.everything doesnt have to be easy.it's u that have to stay still. stay put where ur heart feel u belong.November didn't promise to play nice and I'll play along. it's good to feel motivated for very simple reason.
before i end, i would love to quote my all time favourite by Robert Frost- The Road Not Taken
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