I remembered there was once, when I was in high school,
a friend of mine asked - do you have any boyfriend?
at that time, having a relationship (lover, adik beradik angkat etc) was in trend
Biasa la budak2 baru nak naik,
and because of that, I, with no hesitation
answered "yes"
I used my cousin's name as my (fictitious) boyfriend.
.
.
.
.
.
so that I look like the cool kid =P
and that girl, had stop pestering me with relationship question...
I don't really understand her motive, nor do I understand mine. hahaha
back then during school time,
I was a bit shy, don't talk much (unless I am really confident in the topic, or when I was put in duty-- I was a prefect for 2 years)
my topic of discussion only expand with persons I am comfortable with
and my 'naughtiness' lol.... would show off when I am with my partner in crime. hahaha
I talked to boys but I don't remember talking with confidence of myself,
I remembered having the confidence because I was 'anak cikgu'...
it is impossible for a shy and reserve girl, to be in a relationship at that time
but I shamelessly claimed I have one. hahaha
things improved a little when I moved to a boarding school in Terendak
I remember having a lots of conversation with my batchmate (a lot means more than before. but among my batchmate, I'm just average - both in socializing and academic). Don't get me wrong, I do make friends here and there but I....
just average.
Because I don't have that many friends, I tends to 'cling' or hold closely onto my friends. I didn't notice about this until recently. well, that would be another story.
One thing that I really sure of myself at that time, I 'talk' more on the phone or in writing.
that's when i started having 'pen pal' and cyber friends
Then i entered university and my social skills improved (a little at time).
I feel comfortable talking with stranger during our orientation week because everyone else is as new as me. I feel the 'push factor' to speak up or else I would lost my direction (UiTM Segamat was really a very big university for me, at that time. Hence, the urge to ask around and know better).
Things get better during both my diploma and degree time + side job as cashier
I made new friends, communicate with more people and even have a good relationship with lecturers...
Although I improved, there was (and still is) one thing that i failed (I have the same problem once in awhile) is to understand and realize how cruel a real world could be.
I blame my lack of social skills and lots of novel reading =P
that's why I was easily being tricked into that year of doom (well, it does sound exaggerate a bit, but I have my reason).
reminiscing, it was a really bad year for me when i was made to believe there is a fairytale-love-story
where in reality, a fairytale love story is (if it ever exist) very rare.
A real man does not promise chocolate and flowers
they bring you chocolate and flowers*
(*I don't mean chocolate and flowers literally. it is a metaphor. kalau tak explain orang ingat I am easy with chocolate and flowers. lol)
Ok, back to the main point;
although, to some people, I look like a person who can easily adapt to new environment, I don't think I really am.
I do have confidence issue.
Everyday is and always will be a learning process for me.
Usually I will spend time to observe, before making any move.
Alhamdulillah, I can say I'm not that bad when mingle around with my colleagues here in H.
Next target is how to tackle the bosses. U see it right. Plural. *insert deep sigh*
Everytime I think of quitting my role as an auditor (and jump to other functions in finance), I think back on how much personal improvement I have achieved, how much 'force' I received to improve my social and communication skills. Thou it is not perfect (yet), an improvement is still improvement deserved to be recognized =)
Today is an improvement of yesterday, and tomorrow's is today.
