sebuah kehilangan

5 months ago...before it's all started...before things went wrong...my life is too simple and kinda boring...today, it's full of adventure and hectic but too heart-aching...at one point i kinda feel i cant go thru this anymore....but i musnt quit because of "heart failure"....i musnt quit when ppl look down unto me...i musnt quit when everybody started to leave...i musnt quit even if the person i wish to be on my side the most is the one who've turned his back to me...i must show that i'm stronger...i can handle my heart alone...i can miss him a lot and at the same time focus on my study..i must show that i'll keep on missing him and at the same time ignore him...

i really have problem with my heart...keep on falling for the wrong person and in the end, leaving me with heart full of pain...it's so painful that i cant even cry..i just keep on laughing and acting like nothing happen...trying to change my focus to anor human being. it aint easy but i must try....this heart must be forced to love someone else and yes i believe love can be build..love can be teach.
or maybe i need to sit down and learn that i've so many weakness that made me the way i'm today...maybe i'm not perfect...maybe i didnt have what it takes..
call me confuse...call me clumsy...call me ida the heart failure, call me anything...
i wont care because me either is on my way of learning myself...call me coward because i didnt fight back...but God know best and i think it's the best for everyone involved..

oh dear heart, pls let go the feeling..the longer u hold on to the wont-go-anyway love, the more u will be hurt...letting go is hurting but it wont last long-if u know how to 4get and love someone else....
dear heart, the feeling is so much heart-aching and it disturb me in certain things and i'm afraid that i cant focus...pls be kind enough to let me breath without a single thought of him...u can do it baby..u just need find the way urself...
before things get any worst, i'm reminding u to forget...pretend that u r heartless or keep off from the "reason".

shuh2 off to work NOW!!! finish ur assignment before dawn...