randomly mumbling

Aku berjalan, bukan untuk pergi, tapi pulang. Melihat, bukan untuk mencari, tapi mengerti. Berbicara, bukan untuk didengari, tapi mendengari. Aku ingin pulang dari jauh, ingin mengerti dari yang hilang, ingin mendengar dari dalam. Yang berbisik, bukan yang dikhabarkan. Dalam kata yang tak dituturkan. Bahasa yang tak diajarkan. Atas dasar fizik bahan dan sifat keadaan, dalam mengenal tangan yang menulis setiap kejadian (Qaisy Jaslenda )

well, today story were nothing much bout me thou today is one of the heartaching day. byk sentap2 ni nyah. mak tak suke tau..@__@

oh, well lets make it random subject. randomly such as Kim K most controversial divorce ever. i wonder what is it that lack in her relationship?? i mean most ppl wud go for the tough guy,the hot girl, the big money etc etc that Kim K lucky to have all those criteria in one single marriage. she gain like 18million for her marriage and from an investor point of view, there's a lot of investment lost! her ex-husband is tall and hot and handsome ohh..mood gatal suda naik tapi tula, we human put up the list of all criteria that we shud have to make things work but end up it didnt work. so, wud do we really want or need exactly?? 

and for local stories of course the ever controversial trio: memey-norman-abby. ppl said that having kids will strengthen the relationship. but seem like having 3 kids only make the couple's relationship go way out of side. what are their real objective was when they sign the solemnization's contract before? is it for love, for fun or for trial?? it's creepy to think that love do wear off after some times. to think that each couple somehow will loss their track on the real objective of their relationship after seriously commit to each other. to have those lovey dovey thingy but end up bluffing each other thru out the relationship.

ok, some ppl might hate me to this point because putting the blame on the fav celebrities. they are actor and actress. that's what they do. they play us, fool us with those sad story of being the victim bla bla bla. they end up mixing their work with real life. who am i to put the blame? do i get this extra immunity towards everlasting relationship to point out fingers? well, i dont get extra immunity but what i'm trying to highlight is, what do we people really want in a relationship??are they celebrities tired of normal controversy they decide to try on new one??  and making a big fuss about it will eventually makes people say things bout u and they cant really get mad arent they? kalo mulut tempayan tak terbuka, how shud i know what's inside.

for me, relationship means like 2 people agreed to work out all the possible options together until no options left. 

have they try all the possible options yet?? have they? or do one of them decide to give up regardless what the consequences are? we'll never know. only this trio knows better. and for Kim K, i wonder how u can so deeply in love with each other on the altar less than a month before u finally decide to cut it off. human's feeling is indeed  strange. hope happily ever after doesnt only happen in fairytale =)

the 2nd random would be the GAY issue. honestly speaking, i feel blessed to have this notty2 feeling towards cute guys...hahahaha...i feel normal. but so does these homosexual clan. they feel that it's normal to fall for the same sex. they have the right to do so and people who disagree just gonna abuse their feeling. i would love to narrow the disagreement thru religion point of view. I'm far from a good muslim but being a muslim, we must obey to the do's and dont's. our predecessor, umat Nabi Nuh dulu ditimpa bala oleh Allah kerana kedegilan mereka dengan naluri sendiri- further read ini. saya tidak berhak mengatakan anda salah atau tak. saya jugak tak berhak menafikan hak anda. jauh sekali berhak untuk menghukum anda. cuma saya nak anda nilai dan buat keputusan sebetulnya. kenapa mengaku Islam kalau tak boleh berdiri dilandasan nya?? kemudian, ada kata2 touching dan simpati bahawa golongan gay beragama islam terseksa sebab they are mentally abused by the public. orang ramai tak boleh terima kehadiran mereka and yada yada yada lagi. mereka yg membuatkan anda rasa jeles dgn kebebasan mereka adalah bukan islam or tidak beragama. agama mereka mungkin tidak melarang naluri sesama jantina berleluasa. apa yang saya nak highlight kat sini lebih kepada pengakuan. common la, cth mcm join jadi ahli gym. syarat2 adalah ahli kena ada towel, berpakaian sukan dsb. so, nak jadi Islam kena la patuh pada larangan. bila anda tetap berpendirian teguh ttg naluri yg terdorong ke arah sesama jantina, dan anda masih mengaku Islam, sebenarnya anda telah memberi perspektif buruk ttg Islam. org start cakap "ala, ak tengok si mamat dengan boboy tu Islam, melayu plak tu rilex je couple dua" and another person start arguing "ish, nama je Islam, tapi tak straight. ape islam tak kisah ke? ke tak ajar?"

seperti kata pepatah, kerana nila setitik, rosak susu sebelanga. kerana golongan anda yang well aware diri tidak mahu mengikut rules, kami sebilangan yang lain dicop penjahat kerana tidak adil. dilabel agama yang tidak memahami naluri manusia. semua pandangan negatif ni membawa maksud Islam bukan sebuah agama toleransi. sangat rigid dan kejam. ohh, jangan la melanggar undang2 jalan raya dan end up cakap undang2 tu salah. jangan melanggar tiang dan salahkan tiang berada di tengah jalan.=P jangan tersalah sangka plak saya membenci golongan gay. saya tidak. malah ada kalangannya, kawan2 saya. tak dapat menegur dgn kata2, hanya berdoa di dalam hati semoga mereka berubah. malah kadang saya simpati kerana mereka terpaksa berdepan dengan dugaan maha hebat. tapi berbaliklah kepada agama dan kepercayaan. banyakkan berdoa semoga dipermudah urusan dan dapat membuang perasaan itu. cumanya, saya pinta jika sebelum ni ada statement "saya gay, saya ok" jgn la ada statement lain seperti "saya gay melayu, saya ok" atau "saya islam tapi gay.dan saya ok" 

oh..sangat la tidak ok..janganla merosakkan nilai murni sesuatu kaum dan agama dengan mengaitkan sesuatu yg dilarang kepadanya. 

kalau rasa tertekan sebab terpaksa bersembunyi, face it. kalau rasa tertekan sebab yang disekeliling tak sokong, face it. kalau rasa tertekan kerana seolah tidak mendapat hak kebebasan hidup, face it. u disobey the rules then u expect others to accept it? life aint fair. face it. 

3rd random thing nak babbling about is tentang sesetengah orang yang tidak berpuas hati dengan sesetengah yang lain di mukabuku(*read facebook) among other things that they disagree on is bout the status. yela, kan ramai yang suka meroyan cakap macam2 kat status. lepas tu ada yang bengang sebab asyik2 si sally ni je merungut2..ai buhsan la bukak fesbuk ni.benci! rasa nak hit the wall. lepas tu naik status bengang dgn org yg naik status meroyan ni. adeke??? bijak sikit kakak. gi dkt unsubscribe button tu.hit je...then, ur life is safe from viewing other's status. ape susah..dari ko bazir masa kutuk2, bazir emosi, bazir kerut2 kat dahi, penatkan tangan ketuk2 keyboard, apekata pegang mouse, dgn satu klik, tadaaaaaa.....hilang la status org tersebut dari newsfeed anda. life is simple, kenapa nak serabut kan kepala?? kalo bengang sangat malas nak amik tau pasal budak sally ni, ape kata unfriend terus. ak slaloo buat, ak tau la. kalo rasa2 mcm tak kenal or tanak amik tau pasal org tu terus unfriend. habis cite. kan?? on behalf of all the people yang suka meroyan di wall, saya (ya, saya suka meroyan di wall) harap awak tidaklah menyusahkan diri membaca status saya yang syok sendiri. sukatila nak tulis ape kan? facebook is all about connecting people. one status is how u can learn bit by bit bout that particular person who ironically u approve as one of your friends. ntah, people mcm2 perangai.

owh, do i mention 3rd november hari sentap sedunia? tatau la maybe da dekat that time of the month tu yang moody je tapi *sigh* takpela, save it another time. sebab yg buat ai toching and sentap ni pun kengkawan jugak. malas nak elaborate. lagi touching  oh mula la mata bergenang air...huh

okla, randomly end my session with a random thanks. 

disclaimer- this post is merely based on my personal point of view. any dissatisfaction, save it to ur blog our ur heart okieh. 

welcome november

Hye November, Bye October =)

i tried to reminisce back the last time i had my November. Oh, dang i can't recall exactly things happened 2 weeks ago let alone 1 year -__-" it seem so far far away already. to everything. even to my 1230-1400 paper just now. yup, like the old saying "the farthest thing in ur life would be your past"

hurm....picking up the pieces, last November should be my final exam. yup. and then i remember having to work full time at KFC for 2 weeks before going for my internship programme. haha...the-i-thought-the-hardest-period-ever for an intern is a slice of life. i cried over hardship and tense. so does the overtime and low pay.but i gain new friendship, restore my determination, learn new things... well, this is life. everytime u think that u have been greatly hit that u thought u never recover or survive, u thought wrong. life always has surprises waiting for u on the other side of the room. u think that u've pass the test room,and u could just run away but what happened is u will bump into another. 

this time, November might be the last November i welcomed as student. entering the 8th week of study. passing my mid term test already and i start to shiver. what happen next? the rest of 6th week (8 including study week and mid term break) . what happen when i officially turn 23 this Nov 25th? what happen with the working phase? the phase where i waited long ago since i was 13. phase i thought that i would break free from everything, where i will make my own decision- my rules, my way. would i survive? huu...try to see the glass half full thou. i mean, willing to take the risk, accept this challenge. the future? lets tomorrow do the talk. 

October have been tough on me ever since it began, huuuuu....i start seeing things that i dont want to see. i can see it coming. i become unfocused on study. i cant cope with things anymore. running errands, paying for the bills, going to school. see, this semester actually the first time i'm renting outside campus because i thought of a better sleep at night every time i need to work during the weekdays.  i choose to live outside. i choose to rent out. my very own decision. Then,Assignments come piling up one after another, with quizzes, presentation, syllabus to cover . they always bugging me for better time management. money had always be my top priorities. i dont have a long term plan. always making short cut that end up biting me in future. the thought that i need to end up my semester on time is indeed a pressure. 10 months away from classes have make things difficult. its like i'm starting all over again. setting up my paces, sorting out chores, assigning things to do etc. etc things that only a freshie would do..haha

then comes the part where i need to reschedule my working hours so as to get like what 600 bucks a month? hmm...this is the hardest actually especially when i used to live with enough money in hand. i cant do two things at one time. and i'm well aware i have to forgo one for the other. it feels good to be at home at 9pm, wondering what to eat, googling things, stalking friends profile of FB. it feels good to have enough rest for tomorrow. it feels good to actually do my assignment with my body and soul are fully attached and functional. it feels good to feel like a full time student-again. i do wonder sometimes with all the ample time i endure now, would it be meaningful or would it make a difference if i used it for work?  naahh, i pass the work thingy. haha...it'll surely drained my strength out and when i woke up tmrw, i'll regret i ever work tonight. see, things are kind off leaving me with dilemma each time i choose to take an option. 

after that, come the shocking news from one of the service provider. oh well, old story where things with my ex have eaten me back. i was shocked. i would be lying if i said i didnt cry. for damn 3 f******* years i dont shed any tears after my freedom. i have to bare the debts he caused. i have to pay the cost for whatever decision i made for believing in him then. some says that i should search him back and make him pay.as for me, i've rest my case long ago. i dont want to deal with this kind of manipulator again.let him be whatever he believe he should be. i'm willing to pay the debts slowly as long as i dont have to face him. sooner or later, if Telco do strengthen its credit policy, i maybe end up blacklisted for this stupid reason. so, holding onto it for at least 10months max is  the best option i have right now and i believe it will to continue to be =)

my luck maybe waaaayyyy out of sight in october because the day after Telco case, i sprain my knee. i worked for 9 to 11 hours for straight 3 days and maybe because of the long hours standing and making order as fast as i could, my knee call for a rest..*sigh* i cried all my heart when my manager do the "massage" thing to able me to walk. honestly the tears was not fully because of the pain, but the mix feeling of the stress, the exhaustion, the little hours spent for myself. i cried myself out until i feel i need to get up. someone has to send me to class, someone has to make me breakfast, someone has to bathe me. and that someone is me. DR said my feet need to rest for atleast 2 weeks. sorry DR, duty call. i need to go to class, i need to take my exams, i need to live. i cant depend on ppl to do all of these for me, especially when i cant trust them to be 100% sincere. if there would be any slightest doubt of doing one thing, then, dont do it.

all an all, every tears do come with a smile. that's a package God promises to all mankind. i do meet interesting ppl that encourage and motivate me in his own way-actually everybody does have an impact on me last october.. i also do sign up for interesting event thou i'm not accepted, i do make changes by signing up for charity walk which i found out the very last minute that i've a test. i do start hitting the gym again, getting all sweaty and smelly for this one determination- to feel good. to feel me.i do start making effort to lose some and gain some =)

every cloud have its silver lining. every rain do comes with rainbow.everything doesnt have to be easy.it's u that have to stay still. stay put where ur heart feel u belong.November didn't promise to play nice and I'll play along. it's good to feel motivated for very simple reason.

before i end, i would love to quote my all time favourite by Robert Frost- The Road Not Taken

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. Those out there, there's always reason to continue the journey, whether u've taken the wrong road or not, u cant change it. neither of us can but u can control ur choices now-pronto.

man in pink is cute

simple, cute,funny and smells nice. its among the criteria i'm looking on a man. i dont really believe in lovey dovey thingy that most couple does know. coz, being realistic as i am, i think that love shouldnt be waste to someone that u dont think worth it. that u give a 2nd thought when it comes to "serious business". oh yes, about the smell, i want to enjoy time spent with him so he needs to smell nice so everytime spent is a time to be remembered. haha....yes, u can argue that having no boyfriend is easy for me to point out the do's and the donts. believe me, i've pass that experience once. i drained out my energy but it doesnt last.that's why i put extra precaution now..=P

among other things i seriously take into consideration is the height. must be fairly tall so i wont overshadow him. i doesnt want to appear the "tough guy" beside him. he also must be ambitious. i dont mean like going to moon to catch some stars for me..naahhh, that's lame. i meant guy that able to control his present and see his future. he also need to see his women as his companion rather than bedtime friend only. 

things that would definitely cause him several yards away from me is not-so-good smell especially when it mix with cigar's smoke. and those that have too high of self-esteem and self-proclaim. always boosting about his achievement, his ability to do this and that and blah blah blah like there's no other things to story about. huuu...boringggg.....i'm supposed be in love with u. not ur fictitious story. 

there's so much of the do's and the dont's  but i think the first impression has been covered above. but the most essential point in relationship would be chemistry. how u can accept the flaw of ur significant other. as for me, i dont have the time to actually observe around and test one guy and another. i just want to find the one and only one mr right and settle down forever. 

weirdo eh? haha...yesza ^__^

Dangerous obesity

Dangerous obesity

dugaan

3 hari ni balik lewat malam sebab kerja. *sigh* 

cane nak study, tanpa keje sgt and dapat settlekan semua hutang or tanggungan? 

money is not everything but most of the things need money. 

kelmarin, org celcom call me for bil yg tertangguh yg ak tak pernah guna pun. bil yg ex ak guna tapi pakai nama ak yg end up dia tak bayar pun. tambah lagi masalah. bukan nak ngeluh ke apa, tapi at times when ak rasa da boleh survive dgn keje few hours a week, da berubah jadi susah. salah ak jgk sbb pcy kan sgt insan bernama lelaki ni. ms tu percaya gile sampai sanggup buat ape saje. duit pun dia penah pinjam 1k tapi tak pernah pulang.  da 4 tahun da. ak happy tak ingat si gila tu. hidup ke mati ke ak pun tatau. tapi suddenly kena macam ni mmg ak sedih la. tapi takpela, nak meraung pun bukan boleh buat ape. so, baik ak byr je sikit2 mana termampu. ape dia buat pada ak atau sesapa yg lain, biar la urusan dia dgn Allah. harapnya balasan dia setimpal la buat ak mcm ni. 

ni tadi ms kt tmpt keje, lutut terseliuh. tulang kat lutut tu mcm tergelincir sikit dari tmpt dia. sakit woooo!!!! jalan mmg seret kaki la. nasib ada org tolong urut jap tadi. ok sikit nak gerak. tapi still sakit bila nak ober2 ni..heeee....tula, lately ak byk gerak kot. treadmill, aerobik, nek tangga tgkt 8 hmpr tiap hari gi kelas.so, kaki tersayang ni terkejut la. bila mcm tu, benda kecik pun boleh  buat terseliuh.

dugaan....

oh...

dugaan....

ak mintak supaya ditabahkan hati hadapi segala cabaran, and maybe ni la ujian terbaik utk ketabahan hati T_____T

da tak larat nak keje lagi....menghitung hari je nak blah. moga after hbs bljr terus dapat keje. KFC Seksyen 7, mmg ak tak sanggup da. penat dia mmg kaw2 punya.... 

okla, time to sleep. hari esok, masih teka teki. ya,semoga sy survive hari esok. meniti hari2 sehingga tiada lagi hari. kekuatan? stay la. jgn lari ok =)

of external auditor and life

Hilwani Hariri. motherly look and act. soft spoken and every detail come from her mouth is full with experience. buy things that u happy of. ignore those voices arguing whether it is original or not. whether it is expensive or not. they have nothing to do over your things. but what important is, u re happy wearing it. aaahhh, the way she shows her necklace. i dont give a damn whether it's original or not. i just see they fit together nicely. and that is very comforting view =)

      oh, and yeah we do complaint about not having our weekends. taken by the faculty for their activities. her answer was simple "treat your everyday as your sunday. getting into the working phase, u'll find ur weekend fully booked. literally, u dont have one." and she smiles =) but, what really matters is how u can change the way u see differently. "i dont consider myself waking up early for work. i'm just doing my hobby and i love it. i enjoy every single moment doing it. and u should too. please consider studying is ur hobby and u'll find urself enjoy doing ur hobby."

a woman with philosophy. i adore her so much. she is so calm that never once i saw her raise her voice nor blabbing us about not doing homework. she just smile and advice. u just dont know how to reject her saying.
life is too short to worry. too short to really care others' saying. too short not to take chances and try. spending life mainly for grieving is just a waste. live life to ur best. follow what u truly believe. be urself, never somebody else.

the big bad wolf day

lets start the day at 8am..

I woke up early which is unusual for me unless there is something important to do. I woke up  for PPKP. a compulsory program for all semester. and for final semester, it was held on 15-16th Oct. There go my weekend =(

  Anyway, the program end early at 1 o'clock which is just nice for me to vrrooomm away to Serdang. On the way back home @ Pusat Komersial, seksyen 7, s.alam  we stop to buy some snacks at giant and to my surprise it raining cats and dogs when i was just finish with snachopping.... we was stuck for like half an hour before we decide to just redah je hujan. pening kepala @__@ bila kena hujan.hahaha...cari pasal sgt kan.

its nearly 4 until the rain stops and yaaayy!! without further delay, i start my engine and vroom away to Serdang-alone! thou i'm not so sure the exact way as google maps says to use LDP but i just use my usual way back to Seremban. that's happened when technology left u wayyyyy back. i should install gprs on my phone one day.. one day ppl..haha...cliche as it sound, frankly speaking i'm not an IT freak..=P

arrived at UPM 30-45minutes after but i didnt find any sign of Big Bad Wolf!! i was like what? most of the road in UPM are one way bcoz of the convocation ceremony....sempat jugak pusing2 padang, jeling2 sportsmen yg agak tough tgh main rugby la, football la, tennis la.. hahaha until i was like pusing and pusing balik the same place (UPM is such a huge varsity. damn! it was hard if u r not familiar with it). kerana takmau dilabel si bodoh sombong, i stop to ask one of the security guard on duty about MAEPS. he said " ala, senang je follow sign MARDI" and i was like " what? punye banyak kali nmpk sign MARDI" and yeah, i didnt know T_____T
luckily sbb rempit sajo, dapatla parking atas so near to the entrance..hehe =) and masuk2 da feel the adrenalin running in my bodieh...yeah! excited kot sbb byk novels. lots and lots of em. i go from row to row, from section to section nasib bawak beg extra so throw anything in it and just lalalalaa jalan balik.. biography, cookery, novels mcm2 ada. tapi i stuck most of the time kat novels section la..heeeee....biography serious2 thingy ni adoiii belum ada guts nak baca T____T owh, ieda so terukk!!
tapi tula saya, mau jadi serius tapi tamau amik tau hal2 semasa...ok, back to dreamland, mcm boleh mandi buku kat situ and the price was sooooo damn cheap ok! Nora roberts collection semua mostly sold at RM8. what a bargain!! before pergi budget dalam 5,6 books maximum tapi sekali stuck ada dlm 30 jugak la dalam tangan. wahahaha...berat! tapi that doesnt stop me from keep going and smell the roses..eh, silap smell the books. sangat la kan...the DJ, yes they got DJ yg punya voice so sexy that makes the evening more exciting, keep announcing how many hours left....tak sedar wooo jalan2 situ nearly 4 hours...the hall was sooo big as big as one football field i guess.. 2 kali i stop to re-select the books because 1) beg suda melimpah ruah dgn berat toksah cakap 2) sebab keep on pikir naik motor muat ke nak sumbat box. heavy duty bag pack tak bawak plak. gedik bwk handbag yg akhirnya menyesal =P

tapi tula, da buat screening pun still, bila continue walking ada je interesting books for grab. buat lagi anor screening. huwaaaa....then, bila DJ da announce half an hour left before end of the fair of the year, baru feel the coldness of the night. hall tu beraircond and sy seorg yg takde bulu tangan or kaki and amat anti rasa sejuk terlampau, baru terasa sejuknya dari hujung rambut ke hujung kaki. 12 books in total ready for payment...*sigh* nak main2, jalan2 lagi..huuu..why o why la tak pergi awl2... kuar hall je da gelap gulita. dang! mula risau mana jalan balik...no security guards to ask to and i was like, rilex ida. rilex. use ur 6th sense. hahaha...nampak sign ke puchong terus rasa selamat..phewwww.....highway SKVE if i'm not mistaken. go straight and see most of the exit on the signboard were blank out except for IPOH...lalu tol ayer hitam da bedetup jantung. haha...mcm mana kalo sesat ni weeyyyy??? dang! this highway still in construction kot sbb i'm 100% sure kuar UPM tadi tulis hala ke s.alam, tapi exit2 byk tak bukak lagi...lastly, exit saujana putra masuk ELITE kot. kot ok. tak sure sbb i always tot all highways are the same. tatau nak beza2 kan..mcm berpusing balik kot. lalu dpn exit serdang balik...hwaa...tapi takpela going straight je no belok2 nampak la sign ke s.alam. terus lega merempit dgn 100km/ph

all and all, sampai rumah 10 lebih dengan sejuk terlampau. kol 11 da pass out. tidooo sebab gile tak larat. overall, an exciting journey kot. book fair mcm ni mmg kena gi awal baru u really puas hati. hopefully next year i'll not miss out or lambat tau lagi...huuu....nway, credit to Afiq Redzuan and some of my FB friends yg dok cerita pasal buku and the big bad wolf sampai i nekad nak check it out sendiri...
Ahad tak kerja, so hati banyak gembira.....