sebuah kehilangan

5 months ago...before it's all started...before things went wrong...my life is too simple and kinda boring...today, it's full of adventure and hectic but too heart-aching...at one point i kinda feel i cant go thru this anymore....but i musnt quit because of "heart failure"....i musnt quit when ppl look down unto me...i musnt quit when everybody started to leave...i musnt quit even if the person i wish to be on my side the most is the one who've turned his back to me...i must show that i'm stronger...i can handle my heart alone...i can miss him a lot and at the same time focus on my study..i must show that i'll keep on missing him and at the same time ignore him...

i really have problem with my heart...keep on falling for the wrong person and in the end, leaving me with heart full of pain...it's so painful that i cant even cry..i just keep on laughing and acting like nothing happen...trying to change my focus to anor human being. it aint easy but i must try....this heart must be forced to love someone else and yes i believe love can be build..love can be teach.
or maybe i need to sit down and learn that i've so many weakness that made me the way i'm today...maybe i'm not perfect...maybe i didnt have what it takes..
call me confuse...call me clumsy...call me ida the heart failure, call me anything...
i wont care because me either is on my way of learning myself...call me coward because i didnt fight back...but God know best and i think it's the best for everyone involved..

oh dear heart, pls let go the feeling..the longer u hold on to the wont-go-anyway love, the more u will be hurt...letting go is hurting but it wont last long-if u know how to 4get and love someone else....
dear heart, the feeling is so much heart-aching and it disturb me in certain things and i'm afraid that i cant focus...pls be kind enough to let me breath without a single thought of him...u can do it baby..u just need find the way urself...
before things get any worst, i'm reminding u to forget...pretend that u r heartless or keep off from the "reason".

shuh2 off to work NOW!!! finish ur assignment before dawn...

malas gile nak gerak dari bilik...tapi kena gerak jugak or by nite, i'll be alone....banyak mende nak kena buat ni tapi tak start pun lagi....kfc da ada restaurant manager yg baru...hopefully dia ok la...kalo tak, mood nak keje pun ilang..
semalam gi kajang, shopping kasut, jeans n jubah adalah dalam 300++ something termasuk benda2 kecik2 yg beli smlm...hmm....nmpknye lepas ni kena work hard lagi utk menampung hidup masa bulan 10 nti...adusss....
perkembangan of being strong- slowwwwllyyy developing the strength of ignoring the feeling...berjaya jugak la wlpn ak ada sedikit emosional kdg2...tapi nak wat camne...kalo da tade jodoh nak wat cane kan? in the end ak jugak yg menonggeng...ahh...malasla nak pikir..patut ak pikir nak cari baju raya kaler ape..kat mane...ish3...ada sepasang lagi ak nak cari...kasut rs nye satu tu da cukup la kot...kotnye la...ak ni bukan betul pun..hehe..k la...nak berfesbuking kejap and then paksa diri ni siap2 kemas barang semua...da kol 10...mampuih den nti terkejar2

baru lps interview kat goonting & chew public accountant....pergh...tibe2 takut plak nak gi praktikal training ni...adesss....keje2 yg nak kena settle b4 raya da settle tapi ada 1 lagi yg tak hantar...aduiyai...keje tyme cuti raya melambak tapi ak ni bkn betul sgt pun...silap haribulan tido tak sedar diri....esaimen tah kemana, ak tah kemana....




waahhhhh.....tengok2 draft, ghupenya ade yg tak post lagi...ni la luahan aku sebelum praktikal sini...Goonting and chew!!! sekarang ni, how i wish i never went to that interview

da abis kuiz france tadi....tatau la ape nak jadi dgn ieda sem ni...asyik loqlaq...byk maen..tak serius...jwb kuiz td pun konfiden tak konfiden aje...ptg nti nak p stdy ais kat kfc...hmmm...sem ni hidup ak byk berkisar di kfc...smpi stdy pn kat kfc...bkn ape, kat bilik mcm haunted sikit...asyik nak tido aje...*sigh

raya thn ni takde preparation ape2 pun ag...baju raya, kasut raya tgu duit gaji 5hb nti...thn lps pun tak prepare ape2..huhu...smgt raya da tak same mcm kecik2..maybe sbb da byk pikir n byk tgjwb kot...

perkembangan pasal being strong tu, i'm developing the feeling slowly...nak terus ignore takley la sebab tak reti...hmm...nasib tgh busy skg ni..so malas nak pikir sgt bende2 mcm ni...tapi honestly, tak pikir pun ak being effected jugak sikit...cth-ak mjd sedikit emosional...T__T

k la...tgh basuh baju tu...japgi tido smpi ptg pastu bgn..beli juadah buka n terus gi study...kena bersusah2 dulu utk dpt kesenangan ms dpn...huuaarrrggghhh..ngantok..zzzzz

if tmrw never come, i'll take ur hand and kiss u...i'll tell how much u meant to me..i'll cherish every moment that i spent with u, even if it hurt...

baru balik dari buka puasa kat ani sup utara, plaza alam sentral.....aliff belanja (*lagi) :P

tibe2 hari ni rasa mcm sedih...sayu...yela, ak da tersyg org yg tak sepatutnye..n fhm x bile kita da rapat gile dgn org tu, tibe2 mcm org tu menjauh...dia tak ilang..ad je tapi smkn jauh....n bile ak tercari2, lagi ak sedih....takpela wey, maybe bukan orgnye yg ak perlu bergantung harap lagi...ish, da byk kali da ckp dgn diri sendiri, jgn bergantung pd org..tapi degil....ini la akibatnya...byk lagi nak cite pasal ape da terjadi, mcm mane terjadi, semasa kejadiaan tapi let it be my own secret...n sebab ad lagi cite yg ak tak cite la membuatkan member2 ak ssh nk faham kenapa ak mcm ni....biarlah rahsia...for the time being, ak kena la kuat utk ignore those unwanted feeling...mcm trademark ak jugak la "love urself b4 u love others"...
dlm situasi ni, ak kena bersikap selfish yakni bersikap ego dan sombong untuk melindungi hati...

love me 4 who i am..not 4 who u think i was...i'm not flawless...i've made mistake, and i'll do some in future...i'm only asking 4 u to be here when i make mistake...to understand me..to guide me..to support me...to love me unconditionally..to laugh w me over some stupid jokes, to do some crazy stuff, to help me understand wut is right and wut is wrong...to be here...........when i need u d most