no one can ever forget their first love

that was my scoolmate's status few days ago. statement bikin panas jer.hahaha...hati ini membengkak terkenang buah hati lama...hahahahahhaktuiii

oh, well...i bet everyone have their own first love. u know, the person which u felt head over heels for, the one that can do mistake zillions time and make u heart breaks into millions pieces but can melt ur heart with one or two words at most. some lucky persons met great lover which they stay forever bahagia. like the fairytale story. and some end up swallowing hard on the fact that their love has being wasted on some useless moron. heee....me either.

well, i always remind myself that whatever happened in the past was an expensive lesson of love. collecting hatred from people around you, starting to be creative to tell a lie or two, sewing my heart for that millions of time it get shocked with his behaviours. u see, i'm not being ungrateful bitch by seeing bad things on my collection of memories but i do being treated badly by the guy whom i fall so hard that people notice my face glowing each time i tell em bout him.

i admit that it was my bad judgement that i end up being buta hati and makan hati....

the first phone call from a complete stranger should not be treated like an old friend regardless of ur good intention. always aware that human comes with thousand of strange personalities that not even a single human can completely understand each other (u know wut i mean rite?)
i knew him from his so called random phone calls. but listening to this loss soul searching for lights from a Muslim has made me layaan jer. plus the fact that my life was quite a boring one then and that i was an innocence girl T___T

then i start falling for this guy based on his story and him telling me that i'm manja, blah blah blah that every girl wishes to hear...the thing is, this guy really know the drill when it comes to women. he can make women fall for him using his words only and yes plus some fake-model pictures. this is not an internet scam i tell u. but thruout our one year relationship, i see a lot of scam by this boya..

really cute eh this boya darat. wakakaka....tell u, he's not my type actually. tinggi tapi tak putih T__T i dulu really into putih2 ni. guys panggil mamat putih pondan. tapi ada ak kisah??

after few period of chit chatting over the phone, he suddenly confess to me everything which i cry myself out for being such a stupid girl and a backstabber. then, he begin saying that he's the victim of his current gf which this lady makes him suffer blah blah blah the same old story pathetic guys try to buy us out. he said that he deserve to get the best girl and i deserve to get the best man (saying that he is the best la..plehhhh...)

and the story goes like this----a naive girl thinks that a man really fall for her that he is the most suitable partner for her lifetime that he is really a victim in love and she would be his rescuer.

but the reality is-----the man thinks that the girl being so naive that he can easily manipulate her to his own advantage, borrowing her money that he never wish to returned even a single cents, saying sweet things making the girl fall even more and using her name for his official use. he also being more manipulative that he currently is........................
the list goes on and on that if i ever list it, i might end up crying for my foolish actions.

when did i realise that he is a con man???

the very moment that i knew he is somebody else bf. cliché huh? ok, laugh out loud for 3 seconds.

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-ok tamat-

the very moment that i read his smses and i notice that he cant write. (read: he claim he is a fucking lecturer from UM and a lawyer for godsake)

when he speak english, he sound like an englishman from another planet. even worst than berbahasa pasar. mind me if i'm being rude tapi this one if u hear it u takkan gelak tapi confuse like---what are u trying to say???

when i accidently saw his IC and terang lagi bersuluh nama kau lain. oh, and siap umur pun beza kott

when i accidently, again, terbaca his email and saw girls asking mercy from him to repay back their money. ok, that time i kind of like blurr sbb tatau apa2. tapi lama2 i figure it out. dia suka chatting and calling girls honey la, madu la, syg la, ayang la, baby la and make girls feel lovey-dovey-i'll-give-u-my-money...

i knew better esp when i followed him for his "business meeting". cara ko kencing client gile merasuah byk. tapi masa tu, ada aku kisah?? nope. buta hati. cinta itu buta. Tuhan da bagi petunjuk satu2 depan mata tapi ak wat rela jek. 

i even pujuk myself by reasoning him out u know. like "ko mane tau bisnes2 ni weyh, diaorg kontraktor mmg deal camtu la"...

oh, sooooo melodramatic. hancus hati mak tau.

each time i'm away from him, i nekad nak call this thing off. "next time i see him, i'll berpisah cara baik". gile psycho mamat tu da wat macam2, ko still nak berpisah cara baik..tapi tula, i dont know how he can control me to that extend.

until one day, that we have this big fight and he start cursing me and i da fed up gile sebab da biase terus buat dunno until he start mention bout my families...and i feel so stress out gile selama ni ak dengar cakap kau, the every moment i loss spending time with friends and families, the devotion i gave, the setia tak hingat (i deleted phone number of every single man that is not part of the family. seriously i was that crazy T__T )

he said that i'm a selfish bitch yang tak tahu menghargai...i was like---hell-loww????? 

i returned everything that he insisted me to return. konon da bengang sgt dgn ak kan. i did that, and i feel much lighter than before. feel happier. luckily i had my cousin back then to help me gone thru the ups and downs. i didnt text him even a single word for about 2 weeks ++ and one day, he call me asking to revise the decision made. ego haktui betul he even said that i'm not begging but i just want u to re-consider our relationship (ofcourse dia speak malay masatu, tapik i kan mood bercerita in english..=P )

i da melt down masa tu, kesian. tak sampai hati. eh, tiap kali dengar suara mmg rasa cenggitu. tapi i remind myself not to give a straight answer. i cakap i'll think about it. the minute i put my phone down, i da nekad this is it, i dont want any relationship whatsoever dengan this man (pelik kan.letak phone terus tak kesian =P). i know best that he'll just make me suffer even more. 

w/out saying goodbye, i change my number and delete him from my YM! (masatu ym kan femes.blm ada skype,fesbuk pun baru nak naik)

i lantakkan la everything that i lost during our relationship, money whatsoever. if i wanted to feel sorry for the things i lost, i may end up loosing more if we ever continue.

currently, i have to pay back postpaid bil that he used using my IC. hoh! sangatla pengajaran.

and one hell of an expensive one. u see, i ni da la selalu jek sengkek, pastu nak bayar bil yg beribu ni, mmg la terasa very the expensive one. yela, some of u might feel that i'm being exaggerating things tapi that is my story. 

the first love that went bad.

i dont blame love. rather i blame men. but within years encounter different kind of people, i end up blaming people. if only we were less being selfish bitch. thou this is my story, i also would like to take part of the blame because it always takes two to tango and if i wasnt so naive back then, if only i'm being firm in holding up decision. if only and if only and the list goes on and on. 

the past have indeed brings some rainbow and rain but i should take the lesson learnt in between. after that, i take extra cautious when it comes to heart. i do tripped here and there, falling here and there but i do learn that there is a thin line between love and like. 

sometimes u can like this one person very much that u mistake them for love. oh, it's a first hand experience ya people! cuma u kena judge with a sincere heart and sane mind. is this particular person worth the laugh and cry? and know what is ur value so that u wont let urself being treated like u dont have a heart. give and takes is essential to maintain a healthy relationship. 

oh, and yes, no love can remain without a constant like. and a constant like can change into love. u just need to learn more and dont put ur emotion over sound mind.

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dear friend, 

true indeed i cant forget my first love. i taste some sweetness before tasting bitter moments. 

and it always takes an overnight crying, throbbing heart, firm mind to make a whole decision came true. a lot of strength is the important of every move made. 

alas, i dont think that anyone would ever forget their first love.thou da beranak pinak sekali pun. cuma beza nya, whether u move on or not.

cheers to the every first love we encounter, they are part of our memories as well. 

it's not about appreciating first love or try to retain it as hard as u can even if u know well that it's going nowhere. 

it's bout searching true love whom u can devoted ur entire life to them. 
whom u comfortable in making mistake, whom will not jerk off seeing the worst of u bangun pagi rambut mengerbang macam singa..hahaha...

whom can pimpin tangan u thruout the life lane. 

whom u want to see beside of u when u wakes up every morning and u wish to peluk ketat2 this fella walaupun dia tak mandi lagi.haha..

gi jalan la cinta monyet penuh perasaan jiwang karat dulu2. cheers to first love, u are my greatest mistake, expensive lesson and hardest moment but i do believe some couples out there, their first love is their true one.

until that i meet my true love, until then..