hari ak absent keje

wa sudah sampai tanah tumpah darah gua.adalah dekat kol 1 ke 2, tak sure plak sbb mmg tak menjeling jam.

eh, jap dekat kol 1 lebih sbb ak ingat lagi gi sek mak ak, tgk surau dia, terus sayuu hati sbb dulu2 ni pnh jd tmpt ak...huaaa

balik keje kol 8.30, ingat nak tukar baju zup zap balik seremban. tapik memikirkan badan da serupa ayam, ak gigihkan jugak balik rumah jap wlpn tak perlu kot sebab brg semua da packing siap2 malam nye...

jgn igt ak mksdkan ayam chikaro eh. ak jual chicken goreng okeih...yg kdg2 mmg buat ak rs cam mak hayam T__T

dengan segala kekuatan yg bersisa, ak nekad gak balik. ponteng keje pun ponteng la. absent pun absent la. nenek ak ritu masuk hospital. selasa mak ak tipon suro balik take turn jaga nenek. pastu beliau bebel2 cerita yang atok ak pun macam da tunjuk tanda2 nak gi. org kata kalo da dekat tu, kita boleh nampak tanda2 yang ada. ok, ak tak reti pun, dengar hangguk2 mcm tu jek. tapik mengenangkan ak mmg da niat nak take turn jaga beliau, ak anggap jela balik ni nak ziarah. nek ak bukan lekat kat rumah dia. biasa kat kuantan, takpun Gadong. kalo kat seremban, tade org yg boleh jaga. cucu derhaka beliau bizi menapak hidup kat negeri org.
kengkadang org tua ni kita jenguk kepala kat pintu pun dia dah boleh lepas rindu...sorry wan den tak bapo nak paham wan. yola, dulu den bkn cucu peberet. plg anti berjalan jauh naik kete bwk ak sbb ak mabok darat. wakakaka...yela, makapak ak org ssh dulu. rempits je uolls. mana ada kete ke bas yg ekon2 ni. tapi da  besor, lesen kete pun ado, kot muntah lagi nek kete, itu haruslah kalo ak pregnant kena buatan laki ak...muahaha...oops, skg blm kawin lagi. jgn nk memandai teka2 bg jatuh saham gua T__T

biasa kalo drive balik, sejam setengah paling max. tapi tadi ada 3jam lebih kot. yela kot kol 9 ak kuar, kol 1 sampai mmg la 3jam lebey. sbb ak ngantok baru balik keje shift midnite. pastu kau drive kete, ekon tala semua kat diri sendir, lagi la syiook...tgh weng2 tu, tgk tesco eh meh la nak singgah kejap beli nescafe. pastu dapat parking je, ak turunkan kosi and zzzz....haha.tak senonoh perangai. ada ak kisah?? ai tido sopan kot...heee...

pastu dok singgah sana, singgah sini beli nes, pastu lalu plak jalan balik yg pestime nak lalu. so, bertambah2 la masa driving dgn slow 80km/j je ak bwk. huahua..motors pun ak rempits sampai 110 T__T nak wat acane, gilos kot ngantok. sampai hometown, singgah beli lauk utk wan, sampai rmh wan, habuk je adoo.org nan ado. rupo eh, wan kat gadong. ak plak tatau nak gi sana acane. so, balik rumah, tidoooo pastu bangun santap menyantap, tgu mak ak pulang kerja nak gi sama2.

masa ak cuti semester 3 bulan ritu, merasa jugak la jaga wan ak sebulan lebih. eh? tak ingat tapi lama jugak la. wan ak ekceli sihat walafiat je, siap boleh masak. tapi beliau yela, da tua, kdg2 tak larat sana, tak larat sini. atok ak yg kritikal sikit. dia ni kaki berjalan, tapi ritu kena strok ke apa, dok atas kosi roda, pastu slowly dia jadi nyanyuk and lupa2. he can remember a lil from the past, a lil from the present pastu create his new world. beliau pakai pampers. ak la yg dok mandikan, pakaikan pampers. tapi btl la org ckp, makin tua makin perangai cam baby.aloloo omel nya.. from mesin basuh tanggal baju semua, and beliau jalan pakai pampers jek gi bilik air nak mandi. dari belakang dgn botak head, pakai pampers,sejibik baby....ampuunn tokk...kok kamu comel bangat....hee...

ya ampun ini bukan atok sy ya kawan2. ini pict google. sy enggak bisa ambil gambar beliau begini. mau ak dipelangkung wan nanti.tapi kengkadang ak dgn wan dok buat lawak pasal atok. yela, beliau tak dengar, tak nampak tapi perangai boleh tahan. ada satu hari nak gi jenjalan (read: masa muda2 time polis, wan ckp diaorg punye jadual minum ada 6kali sehari. tu atok da terbiasa lepas pencen, lepak kedai sejam tapi order teh tarik segelas) ke kedai minum. wan marah betul habiskan duit kat kedai. tapik bila atok dok rumah order teh tarik, wan marah gak. nti kencing manis....hwaaaa.....dilemma ak.
so, hari kejadiaan, ak rasa atok mmg teringin gila jalan plus beliau boring ngadap ak dgn wan jek hari2 even dia tak bape nampak, so, dia plan nak kuar rumah. pagar kunci, so apa dia buat, dia campak tongkat 4 dia, payung (ms tu nak ujan), dgn selipar dia ke rumah sebelah. bajet cam remaja nak lari rumah la panjat pagar....adehhh...tak tahan. ak bukan apa, kwsn rumah tok ak berbukit, mmg la boleh bawak jalan2. tapi masa gi elok la dia bertenaga, kang balik da terhuyung hayang biasa la kencing manis, segala nya. dala atok kulit sensitip. jatuh sikit, luka banyak. luka tapee lagi minyak gamat ada, ni kot jatuh tergolek sapa nak angkat???? den tak larat weiiihh...serious. nak angkat dari katil pun terasa mak aih mcm malek noor. huuu...

time pakai pampers pun kengkadang lawak. bergaduh bagai dgn ak. tapi atok ak cool. dia marah lebih2 dgn wan ak jek and anak2 dia. cucu2 rapat ke tak, dia tak pandai marah. setakat bebel nasihat tu biasala.

lepas mandi, letakkan pampers atas katil, suro beliau duduk and pakaikan pampers secara duduk.. pastu time pakai seluar, beliau kena diri balik sbb ak tak larat nak tarik punggung beliau sendiri. kengkadang ak kira la " ok tok, up2...ok one...two...three..." cam adik ak plak kan. haha..tapi series comel. pastu pakaikan bedak. lepas siap, ak buat isyarat good (thumbs up) sbb da siap pakai baju...and atok ak pun senggih2 kdg2 dia wat balik...

motip ayam? sbb ko mak hayam??heee....

atok ak pun wat balik pastu senggih. oh, gigi beliau mcm sponge bob jugak, ronggak..=P

oh, wlpn beliau taknampak sebab kencing manis ada selaput kat mata and beliau takut nak operate, jam tangan wajib ada weyy....pastu dok sibok jerit kat ak, ".....sekarang pukul bapo ni ha??"

ak jerit la " sepuluh tok!!"
atok "haaaa???" tak dongar
mati akal. kang jerit lagi kuat maun jenjiran repot buat bising. yola, da kol 10, kol 10.30 tanyo balik jam. kol 12 tanyo lagi. kol 4 tanyo lagi. tak ke jiran dengar ak ni mcm tarzan jam loceng yg dok jerit masa.

so, alternatifnya, ak pun bukak jari luas2 tunjuk sepuluh jari.

atok "oh...kol 10 yo..pagi ko malam??"
takpun, ak malas nak bgtau 10.30, ak tunjuk balik jari sepuluh, pandai jawab kata "eh,tadi kol 10, ni pun 10 lagi..lambekk maso berlalu"

wakakaka...ms kejadiaan ada ak rasa lawak, rs letih melayan..haha..siot punye cucu. tapi bila ingat balik mmg lawak. pastu kuat jeles plak. kalo ak dok urut wan, sat lagi dia pun mengadu la lenguh2 pinggang ke bahu ke...haha...

atok orgnye boros. cam mak ak jgk and ada sikit2 turun kat ak. wakakaka. asal ada duit jek, seploh ringgit ke, dia suro la gi kedai. beli mee la, beli itu la, beli inila. dulu penah dia request beli miranda orange. ak kan cucu yg baik..*uhuk2* so, ikutkan aje. last2 kena marah dengan makcik ak sbb nti level gula mencanak2 naik. pastu kalo dia request lagi, ak beli tin kecik, bg mnum sikit. takpun beli 100plus. da dapat, beliau tidooo...

ada time2 menguji kesabaran jugak misalnye atok ak tadee mood nak makan or buat apa pun kecuali tidoo..patut ak kuat tido T__T mmg cam ok bila beliau tido, tapi kang jadi problemnya esok pagi bgn badan lembik sbb takde tenaga. takpun, mlm2 buto, mintak makan. ak ni kang tido matik.wakaka...

and lagi satu, pampers dia confirm full. kena la tukar atas katil lap2.

tapi tula, apapun, ak still tak perfect. ada gak salah silap sini. hukhuk.

skg ni, atok pun da lupa2 kat ak. dia ingat ak ni makcik ak. huaaa...

tapi, takpela selagi ada masa jenguk2 la...kot sok byk masa, tapi org tadee acane??

ada apa dengan result SPM weeiiii???

hari tuh kita gi jmp cousin kita. happy sbb beliau mmg ssh nak jmp. 6 bulan sekali gi melaut. huuu....tapi syiok la sekali coti 3 bulan. hamik kau. tido makan ditanggung.

beliau tunjuk IC org laut dia tu. eleh, eksyen betul. hahaha...tapi dalam hati ada sikit jeles sebenarnye.

hari ni budak amik SPM. adik kita pun sama. oh, bape A beliau dapat tapayah cite kot. hebat sikit dari akak dia. kalo kita cite, kang kamuorang dapat la teka ak punye A berapa...huaaaaa....tamau la...maluuu >__<

sedang tadi tergolek mcm panda seperti org forever alone sbb tak jadi gi summit, terkenang la 6 tahun dulu...eh2, lamanye 6 thn. tak sedar pun masa berlalu. masa dapat result SPM. kita kan blur. lurus. so, kita rasa biasa2 jek dengan result sendirik. lepas tu start la apply sana sini. kita isi borang UPU and macam2 lagi. kolej swasta pun byk call. rasa diri hebat masa tu T___T masa nak pilih kursus apa, blurr lagi. tatau nak jadi ape. teruk kan tade cita2...oh, malu nya dengan diri sendiri. so, sy end up ikut kawan and pilih course yang cambest didengar. contohnye cam pharmacist, accountancy, special diagnostic, blah blah blah yg rasa cambest jek..huahuahua...makku tatau anaknye begini...tapi yang paling best, yang sampai hari ni terasa cambest, and kalau kamuorg tanya kalo tak amik akauntan kita amik ape, jawapannye ialah sy mungkin jadi seafarer. kita apply ALAM. oh, masa tu mereka kata 1st batch nak hamek pompuan, hati saya kemain nye suka. interview kat ALAM Melaka, warga2nya kemain hensem smart pakai uniform putih. terus tergugat iman tgk jejaka ensem  

dia ada dua course ditawarkan dengan masing2 kontrak 7tahun. diploma nautical and ape tah satu lagi. boleh google ALAM ye. sy malas nak resarch...heee...

tgu punye tgu jawapan, last2 dapat tawaran accountancy kat UiTM Segamat. oh, sy yg blurr ni pun accept jela. da habis orientasi, yuran da bayar, kelas da start baru mereka call tanya minat ke tak. sy melonjak gembira tapi mak tak bagi. sbb sy ppn. bahaya. nti dunia tah kemana,akhirat tah kemana. so, stay la jadi accounting geek. oh, dulu belajar ni nikmat yang amat. lama2 jatuh cintan jugak pada akaun wlpn sy dulu science stream.

6 thn kemudian, habis degree, cari keja cam tak best, dengan mcm2 perkara kat darat, rasa forever alone, dengan mcm2 mslh, and tiba2 jumpa pulak dengan cousin seafarer, terus semangat tuh kembali. mungkinkah kalo daku meneruskan impian terkandas dulu, adakah daku kan bahagia?? alang2 nak adventure, biar adventure betul. betul tak? tengah usaha ni carik2 keje under kampeni kapal. biarlah daku membawa hati yg lara...hwaaaaa.....mana tau rejeki ada dilaut sana....well, mmg tak ramai pompuan terjebak jadi ikan duyong org laut, tapi perlu ke tuh jadi perhitungan?

chait!! gelis berbahasa baku. tapi mmg sekarang ni hati menggelitis nak terjun laot. sbb lelah dekat darat ni. mcm2 hal nye.semoga Tuhan permudahkan jalan bagi saya. hati da terbuka jadi seafarer, peluang belum terbuka lagi.........

esok belum tentu jalan cerita, biar aku mencoret kisah sekarang, bagi pengubat rindu akan datang...

adios~~ 

si ikan duyung seksi ieda mon2 tel2

no one can ever forget their first love

that was my scoolmate's status few days ago. statement bikin panas jer.hahaha...hati ini membengkak terkenang buah hati lama...hahahahahhaktuiii

oh, well...i bet everyone have their own first love. u know, the person which u felt head over heels for, the one that can do mistake zillions time and make u heart breaks into millions pieces but can melt ur heart with one or two words at most. some lucky persons met great lover which they stay forever bahagia. like the fairytale story. and some end up swallowing hard on the fact that their love has being wasted on some useless moron. heee....me either.

well, i always remind myself that whatever happened in the past was an expensive lesson of love. collecting hatred from people around you, starting to be creative to tell a lie or two, sewing my heart for that millions of time it get shocked with his behaviours. u see, i'm not being ungrateful bitch by seeing bad things on my collection of memories but i do being treated badly by the guy whom i fall so hard that people notice my face glowing each time i tell em bout him.

i admit that it was my bad judgement that i end up being buta hati and makan hati....

the first phone call from a complete stranger should not be treated like an old friend regardless of ur good intention. always aware that human comes with thousand of strange personalities that not even a single human can completely understand each other (u know wut i mean rite?)
i knew him from his so called random phone calls. but listening to this loss soul searching for lights from a Muslim has made me layaan jer. plus the fact that my life was quite a boring one then and that i was an innocence girl T___T

then i start falling for this guy based on his story and him telling me that i'm manja, blah blah blah that every girl wishes to hear...the thing is, this guy really know the drill when it comes to women. he can make women fall for him using his words only and yes plus some fake-model pictures. this is not an internet scam i tell u. but thruout our one year relationship, i see a lot of scam by this boya..

really cute eh this boya darat. wakakaka....tell u, he's not my type actually. tinggi tapi tak putih T__T i dulu really into putih2 ni. guys panggil mamat putih pondan. tapi ada ak kisah??

after few period of chit chatting over the phone, he suddenly confess to me everything which i cry myself out for being such a stupid girl and a backstabber. then, he begin saying that he's the victim of his current gf which this lady makes him suffer blah blah blah the same old story pathetic guys try to buy us out. he said that he deserve to get the best girl and i deserve to get the best man (saying that he is the best la..plehhhh...)

and the story goes like this----a naive girl thinks that a man really fall for her that he is the most suitable partner for her lifetime that he is really a victim in love and she would be his rescuer.

but the reality is-----the man thinks that the girl being so naive that he can easily manipulate her to his own advantage, borrowing her money that he never wish to returned even a single cents, saying sweet things making the girl fall even more and using her name for his official use. he also being more manipulative that he currently is........................
the list goes on and on that if i ever list it, i might end up crying for my foolish actions.

when did i realise that he is a con man???

the very moment that i knew he is somebody else bf. cliché huh? ok, laugh out loud for 3 seconds.

1

2

3

-ok tamat-

the very moment that i read his smses and i notice that he cant write. (read: he claim he is a fucking lecturer from UM and a lawyer for godsake)

when he speak english, he sound like an englishman from another planet. even worst than berbahasa pasar. mind me if i'm being rude tapi this one if u hear it u takkan gelak tapi confuse like---what are u trying to say???

when i accidently saw his IC and terang lagi bersuluh nama kau lain. oh, and siap umur pun beza kott

when i accidently, again, terbaca his email and saw girls asking mercy from him to repay back their money. ok, that time i kind of like blurr sbb tatau apa2. tapi lama2 i figure it out. dia suka chatting and calling girls honey la, madu la, syg la, ayang la, baby la and make girls feel lovey-dovey-i'll-give-u-my-money...

i knew better esp when i followed him for his "business meeting". cara ko kencing client gile merasuah byk. tapi masa tu, ada aku kisah?? nope. buta hati. cinta itu buta. Tuhan da bagi petunjuk satu2 depan mata tapi ak wat rela jek. 

i even pujuk myself by reasoning him out u know. like "ko mane tau bisnes2 ni weyh, diaorg kontraktor mmg deal camtu la"...

oh, sooooo melodramatic. hancus hati mak tau.

each time i'm away from him, i nekad nak call this thing off. "next time i see him, i'll berpisah cara baik". gile psycho mamat tu da wat macam2, ko still nak berpisah cara baik..tapi tula, i dont know how he can control me to that extend.

until one day, that we have this big fight and he start cursing me and i da fed up gile sebab da biase terus buat dunno until he start mention bout my families...and i feel so stress out gile selama ni ak dengar cakap kau, the every moment i loss spending time with friends and families, the devotion i gave, the setia tak hingat (i deleted phone number of every single man that is not part of the family. seriously i was that crazy T__T )

he said that i'm a selfish bitch yang tak tahu menghargai...i was like---hell-loww????? 

i returned everything that he insisted me to return. konon da bengang sgt dgn ak kan. i did that, and i feel much lighter than before. feel happier. luckily i had my cousin back then to help me gone thru the ups and downs. i didnt text him even a single word for about 2 weeks ++ and one day, he call me asking to revise the decision made. ego haktui betul he even said that i'm not begging but i just want u to re-consider our relationship (ofcourse dia speak malay masatu, tapik i kan mood bercerita in english..=P )

i da melt down masa tu, kesian. tak sampai hati. eh, tiap kali dengar suara mmg rasa cenggitu. tapi i remind myself not to give a straight answer. i cakap i'll think about it. the minute i put my phone down, i da nekad this is it, i dont want any relationship whatsoever dengan this man (pelik kan.letak phone terus tak kesian =P). i know best that he'll just make me suffer even more. 

w/out saying goodbye, i change my number and delete him from my YM! (masatu ym kan femes.blm ada skype,fesbuk pun baru nak naik)

i lantakkan la everything that i lost during our relationship, money whatsoever. if i wanted to feel sorry for the things i lost, i may end up loosing more if we ever continue.

currently, i have to pay back postpaid bil that he used using my IC. hoh! sangatla pengajaran.

and one hell of an expensive one. u see, i ni da la selalu jek sengkek, pastu nak bayar bil yg beribu ni, mmg la terasa very the expensive one. yela, some of u might feel that i'm being exaggerating things tapi that is my story. 

the first love that went bad.

i dont blame love. rather i blame men. but within years encounter different kind of people, i end up blaming people. if only we were less being selfish bitch. thou this is my story, i also would like to take part of the blame because it always takes two to tango and if i wasnt so naive back then, if only i'm being firm in holding up decision. if only and if only and the list goes on and on. 

the past have indeed brings some rainbow and rain but i should take the lesson learnt in between. after that, i take extra cautious when it comes to heart. i do tripped here and there, falling here and there but i do learn that there is a thin line between love and like. 

sometimes u can like this one person very much that u mistake them for love. oh, it's a first hand experience ya people! cuma u kena judge with a sincere heart and sane mind. is this particular person worth the laugh and cry? and know what is ur value so that u wont let urself being treated like u dont have a heart. give and takes is essential to maintain a healthy relationship. 

oh, and yes, no love can remain without a constant like. and a constant like can change into love. u just need to learn more and dont put ur emotion over sound mind.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

dear friend, 

true indeed i cant forget my first love. i taste some sweetness before tasting bitter moments. 

and it always takes an overnight crying, throbbing heart, firm mind to make a whole decision came true. a lot of strength is the important of every move made. 

alas, i dont think that anyone would ever forget their first love.thou da beranak pinak sekali pun. cuma beza nya, whether u move on or not.

cheers to the every first love we encounter, they are part of our memories as well. 

it's not about appreciating first love or try to retain it as hard as u can even if u know well that it's going nowhere. 

it's bout searching true love whom u can devoted ur entire life to them. 
whom u comfortable in making mistake, whom will not jerk off seeing the worst of u bangun pagi rambut mengerbang macam singa..hahaha...

whom can pimpin tangan u thruout the life lane. 

whom u want to see beside of u when u wakes up every morning and u wish to peluk ketat2 this fella walaupun dia tak mandi lagi.haha..

gi jalan la cinta monyet penuh perasaan jiwang karat dulu2. cheers to first love, u are my greatest mistake, expensive lesson and hardest moment but i do believe some couples out there, their first love is their true one.

until that i meet my true love, until then..