Bubbye stress

oh, i've give the farewell long ago 

but u never really go

always here now and then...

kicking my ass, making me stress...

how should i define this feeling

when u keep on intruding? 

how can i cool myself down

when the least thing is u that come around?

Bubbye stress

please give me a rest

i've had u enough

i cant deal with u anymore

oh my dear stress

please give me some space

exam around the corner

and i want to be a scorer

sebolehnya ak tanak jadi hamba duit..yang menganggap duit itu penting...yang merasa hidup tanpa duit itu seksa..yang merasa kaku..pegun..bila akhirnya ak tabley nak buat apa. 

belum grad lagi ak da pening kepala pikir pasal duit, masalah kat rumah tak kira shah alam ke seremban...terduduk ak bila ak rasa helpless...tak leh gerak, tak boleh wat ape...nak tgu gaji masuk mgu depan seksa....tahun depan tu weyy...lambat lagi...buat bajet pun still tak cukup...ini duit ada 3 hinggit...makan masak je kat rumah...kedit tadee takpe sebab tadee org nak sms sgt...cuma duit minyak la...cukup kot...weekend ni keje...tak sempat la ak nak pikir masalah...charger laptop wat hal...nak beli yg local punya pun kena pakai duit jugak...org yg kata duit tak penting tu, meh sini ak nak sepak kepala dia laju2...

hurmm....

org yg melihat tak sama dengan org yang merasa... level stress kita lain2... tak sama...jangan nak samakan sebab we react differently towards different situation. member ak, stress pasal duit tapi haluu2 boyfriend, mintak duit...sorang lagi pun sama, konon tadee duit..halu2 parents, dapat la duit wat belanja. so, ak punya level of stress tak sama dengan korang even we may face the same problem. ak takde boypren nak mintak duit, takkan ak nak susahkan parents ak lagi pasal duit? diaorg sendiri pun tak cukup....ada yg suggest wat bisnes bagai..kalo setakat "bisnes" cari2 org, tapayah..i've been there and i know how the "bisnes" work to make money...takde istilah easy money la geng. lain la keje ko mmg cop duit je kan. u want money, u've to work for it...u want more, u've to work harder...dang...

benci betul hidup pakai currency ni...

kan best macam dolu2...ak trade in lembu duploh ekor, dapat ferrari sebijik ke...kan best, ak trade in serai tanam tepi rumah + buah rembutan sikit +pisang sikit dapat la iphone 4 ke...sape punye idea yg cipta currency ni? cakap sikit...meh ak luku kepala ekau...ko susahkan cucu cicit ko adala....

and...

exam nak dekat....lagi wa tensen. nak nyorok bawah meja..adeyy....nak grad on time la bebi...tanak extend2 ni...T___T tatooottt....

stress2 go away, 

come back another day...

stress2 u are not needed

play over there and be a gud boy

stress2 u make me look old

i dont want to reach my 30's and look bold =(

stress2 dont u get it

i hate u, please be excuse...

dapat belated bday present....
kalo org lain, da basi...
tapi for me, my bday is belated for 1 whole year from 26 nov onwards...wakaka...
so, hadiah tetap hadiah...
and mestila suka...
dapat perfume...nak ckp ak busuk eh...ahaha...
ok simpan wild thought semua...ak wangi okeih...=P
thanks...merci beaucoup...arigato ghozaimas....
next year bagi botol lagi besar eh...orite..lebiu...ahaha

i'm emotional

sape yang kenal kite, mesti tau bangat yg kite kuat sentap...garang...suka marah...ye, kite tau tu semua sifat negatif yg tak patut ada. tapi being a middle child ni, mula la kreatif cari cara nak kan perhatian...oh, ok tipuu...tabley salahkan middle child...kang ada yg kata dia middle child tapi cool je...T__T 

akceli, kite ni mmg kuat sentap. pastu simpan. sentap. simpan. simpan punye simpan, akhirnye explode. sekali meletups, mmg la nampak burok...kite ssh nak terus terang. rasa konpiden level looowww je nak cakap betul2..sekrg da pledge nak kurangkan marah, kurangkan stress.. ssh woo nak berubah after 23 thn. tapi, takkan nak jadi cenggini 23 thn lagi...tak best oh...tak cool. kite nak jd org cool...hahaha...

suke bila dr hilwani bercerita pasal how dia react towards people. dia pesan "always remember, dont talk bad things on the first meeting. always said good things, dont talk bout ppl. u can talk bout ppl with the closest friend of yours sahaja" oh, seronok gi kelas dia mcm gi motivational talk je...

2011 indeed an emotional year thru out...gelak je bila baca entry, diari since awl thn haritu....how funny i can be when i'm emotional...mengada rasa nak lempang pun ada...hwahwahwa....dengan practical training nye yg penuh suka duka supervisor tak supervise sangat...balik keje lewat, sampai rumah rushing g keje plak...balik keje da penat...tido pastu esok bangun awal pagi and the routine berterusan sampai ujung  bulan mei...rasa nak lompat2 bila countdown da abis....pastu jaga atok, how he make me laugh thru his innocent act...awal thn beli motor, bulan pose accident. my dad kena strok. then  sept masok study balik, nk adapt balik dgn buku after 10 months tak dekat dgn buku pun can be a struggled tooT___T

thru and thru, da nak abis pun 2011...tatot...tatott dgn future...tanak tanjat2 ni....hahaha..ngade...sile muntah sekarang!

azam tahun baru nak jd lebih matang, pandai kawal emosi, tak boros, pandai cari duit pandai manage...nak start kumpul duit nak buat rumah plak lepas ni...25 dec ni nak pindah...penat woo pindah...acik muda2 dulu byk la masa, tenaga nak angkat2 barang..ni tak larat...da la mmg keje kfc berat, nak lagi angkat barang slaloo...insyaallah i will stick to that wish...ekceli acik tak pandai nak tanam azam, tanam cabai reti la...so dgn malu2 ai publish my new year resolution....oh, entry dua dalam satu boleh kan..boleh blah ke tak, lantak le...tak kose ak nak nulis byk2 kali...k la..esaimen menanti..nak grad on time kan? kena la siapkan...hwaaaa~~~~~

dont give love a bad name

dont give love a bad name
as i aint ready to fall and hurt again
dont give love a bad name
as i'll be paranoid over all those little things
dont give love a bad name
u make those single ppl feel glad,
and those lovebird feel bad...
dont give love a bad name
coz as love fail, it just fail on u, because of u
dont drag other to think that love will eventually fail for them...

someone, recently, asked me bout marriage.
and half-jokingly i said, how was yours?
and being her, she just laugh her way thru it with a sigh
i wonder what kind of sigh is it. a relief or a burden?
well, pardon me mademoiselle,
ur relationship had somehow effect me of seeing things.
ur marriage in a way or another
had given marriage a bad name for me...

getting started, getting married is much for funnier, happier and romantic moment in the beginning,
but after a while, it started to shade off some of the happiness, wear off the laugh when u slowly start to discover bit by bit the other side of ur partner.

i didnt blame u, or marriage for the record
i just need to make sure i can stand up straight,
calmly handling all upcoming situation...
i just need to feel confidence of myself----above all @___@

berserah~~

Ya Allah,

sampai satu tahap, terasa kekuatan bukan lagi milik aku.

emosi selalu terganggu dengan macam2 perkara hatta sekecil kuman pun.

satu2 peristiwa mengusik jiwa.

satu2 perkara meracau fikiran.

sungguh aku lelah...

ah....selalu sangat mengeluh.

i pray for a stronger heart, u gave me more things to worry.

is this a way of achieving stronger heart??

terkadang menangis saja dapat meluluhkan sekali rasa hati..dengan bercerita sekalipun, belum tentu perasaan kacau akan pergi.

ke kiri ku onak, ke kanan ku duri. ke depan ku lautan, ke belakang ku api

pernah ak terduduk, terkesima dengan ujian yg Kau beri.

sekejap sekejap aku menangis, sekejap sekejap lagi aku cuba ketawa.

ya Allah,

tetapkanlah imanku supaya sentiasa bersamaMu.

kuatkanlah hati supaya masih mampu tegak berdiri.

permudahkan lah, permudahkanlah, permudahkanlah segala kesulitan

tetapkan hati, tunjukkan ku jalan.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

takut nak tido...
takut tido, mimpi ngeri yg datang.
takut utk terjaga, mimpi indah melambai pulang.

sungguh takut aku berbuat apa2..
terasa diri lemah tak bermaya
tiada daya,
tiada kata.
penat. lelah. semua ada.

saat ak perlukan kekuatan,
makin sedih bila tiada teman bicara.
huh! sedangkan dia yg aku harap utk melepas rasa, da tidak bertegur sapa.
tapi dia tetap wish birthday, dan terus seharian aku senyum gembira.
satu sms mampu mengubat duka.
kawan, terima kasih segalanya.

manusia datang dan pergi,
Allah saja setia menanti,
mendengar aduan, mendengar tangisan, mendengar cerita
serabut. Tuhan, aku mohon padamu sesungguhnya diKau lebih memahami isi hati ini
sakitnya seperti dipijak2 bertubi tanpa henti.....

terlalu banyak ketakutan menyelubungi diri..

ahhh.....keyboard da basah terkenang segala macam perkara.

nak bercerita, tatau mana nak mula.

akhirnya, seperti biasa, biar masa merubat rasa.

takdir Tuhan lebih cantik menyusun strategi supaya hidup lebih diberkati,
semoga hidup lebih mensyukuri T_______T

ya Tuhan, kepadaMu aku berserah.............

how can i explain??

if only i knew sooner. if only those word were not from my own mouth.if only i'm not so curious about things..

but what matter more is

be a good actress. 

smile always even if the truth hurts big time.

i hope with my "slow talk" thingy, he'll knows me better. but turn out he said i'm a negative thinker. 

           the most hurtful truth is- i've thought wrong all the way until now. i thought that we were bestfriend. BFF ever. he's the most trusted guy friend that i've ever met before. i admit it that along the way thru this past 6 years, i've met various kind of people. i've befriend with a lot of guys (dont get me wrong.definition of a lot doesnt mean 100s of them. in my case, in my life a lot means more than 10).but the most pleasant person to talk with would be this one particular guy. regardless how many weeks i've never talk to him, each time i call him, i found a comfort to pour all my problems. the bad thing is i've never cared about his.i've always thought that he's my bestfriend. i even share with him most of the things happened to me. but time has grew us apart. time has make things more awkward than before. and it's me to be blame. i'm so busy with my life here in shah alam i dont take a break and get to know him all over again. nevertheless, i always and keep reminding myself that we were bestfriend.

                 itu yang agaknya, as a BFF i thought i have the right to know everything bout him. i thought i can demand to exercise my right whenever i want it. 

and when i feel that he's been acting differently and i've been having this 6th sense things mcm perasaan bergelodak dalam hati seolah2 dia ada main sembunyi2 something, i jadi emotionally touch. rasa mcm nak gi main flying fox takpun nak bungee jumping tak hingat dunia punya jerit. i think i have the right to know. and if he consider me as his bff also, he shudnt be keeping things from me. dan paling kelakar, reason touching adalah sangat simple and merepek. huh! tapayah mention. malu.

tapi rupa2nya, time mmg da grew us apart, but time also have makes me forget, i've never been in his side all this time, why shud i claim him as my bff lagi?? da expired nok. dan sebenarnya dia tak rasa pun ak ni bff ni. dia rasa kawan biasa. kawan yg baik. that's why dia tak rasa perlu nak be 100% transparent dengan ak. and mmg tak patut pun ak buat dia mcm tu.T___T

mengada sangat saya.

da ingatkan diri jangan lebih2, tapi bila call semalam, until the 3rd statement or questions tak ingat, terus nangis. mulanya nak cite pasal tension study. nak cite tu je.sumpah tadee lain selain mencurahkan gelora hati. 

tapi tula, lidah tak bertulang lancar bercakap yg awak ni adalah one of my problem. yg membuat sy serabut.huahuaua...mmg terbaik mulut laser ko ida. 

so, bercakap dan bercakap sampai hujan dari lebat jadi rintik2, sampai bateri dari full bar jadi flat habis..sampai kredit rm9 hbs terus dalam masa 1 1/2 jam.

6 tahun lepas ida, tak sama macam sekarang. dulu kau hingusan first time berkawan dgn lelaki. sekarang lain....

most of the time dia byk gelak. gelak sebab nak kurang kan stress keadaan katonyo. tapi ak sentap nye jugak sbb ak rasa dia ni not listen enough to me. and after all the tears and the laughter, after all the times spent to makes things straight, ak da faham what happened. tapi taknak ulas lanjut sebab taknak benda jadi panjang. so, ak buat benda yg ak patut buat dari awal- berdiam diri....bila ujan benti, before we stop the conversation, dia tanya ak ok tak...

yup2, saya okkk....

sumpah...ok

saya tadee masalah pape da. saya da bgtau ape saya rasa and awak da bgtau ape kenapa awak buat mcm ni mcm tu..so, saya da ok

tapi dia tak caya..

ak tak salahkan dia..hahaha...ak ni kan susah diramal...=P

tetiba, hp off...bateri flat. flat zero habis tabley try nak restart balik.

so, dengan rintik2 hujan, ak redah balik rmh dengan ain. 

ain teringin nak makan sushi kat jj. 

layankan aje, ak pun bawak. hp tinggal rmh charging.

otw ke jj hujan lebat. tapi belum gile2 lagi. 

sampai jj, round2 beli sushi bagai, keluar balik tengok hujan still lebat....

T___T

ain suggest ktorg lepak dlu...dia pun makan sushi dekat kerusi yg berdepan dgn triumph. hahaha...makan sampai habis...

kuar ujan lagi...kepala pusing, perut lapar...

"babe, jom jela redah. ak tak kisah da...ak nak balik lapar, nak rest2"

balik, terus meluru ke dapur konon mcm tak makan 10 hari..tengah nak makan, tengok hp da fully charge. ada 2 msg.

hmmm...

msg yg sentap plak tu. 

org da ok, dia plak touching...tak best..

plak tu dia ingat ak touching that's why off hp (perangai burok =P)

pastu sampai 7 plak msg pujuk. hari ni 2 lagi. 

NO REPLY...

mak sentap nokkss...

tula kau ida, berjimba di jj tak ingat org.

semua salah kau.

from the very beginning until now

bila dia tak reply, ak bukan sentap ke ape. ak faham dia maybe touching [hmm, tula tadi gelak2 bagai ingatkan tak touching =( ] tapi, ak jadi rasa bersalah. pentingkan diri sangat sampai suka2 hati nak luahkan perasaan bagai. pastu konon nak claim my right. claim ur right la sangat, tengok ape da jadi?? member da merajok, tatau to what extent dia akan buat. 

dulu, dia merajok dengan ak setahun, ak tak pernah benti cari dia

kali ni, dia merajok ak tak kuat nak cari lagi...

sebab ak bukan bff...

tak layak rasanya. lemah longlai bila nak cari. tapi bila tgk inbox kosong tak reply satu ape pun, lagi rasa nak maki diri sendiri..

saya ok la...serius...

tapayah la merajok...

kata suka pkr positif

jgn la benti pkr positif...

ignore je ape yg sy cakap...

sy kan budak2 mengada..

dia tak ingat dia penah merajok dengan ak, dia tak ingat sebab merajok, dia tak ingat first picture dia bagi (fyi, masa tu friendster adalah makhluk asing. fb apetah lagi..mmg communication via pos malaysia..huhu), dia tak ingat present ape ak bagi, dia tak ingat ape dia pernah cakap...it's a heartbreaking sbb i remember even not every detail tapi most of it.

dpd 1 1/2 jam berdebat sana sini;

1) dia consider ak kwn biasa..sentap tapi ak faham kenapa

2) dia ada sebab tanak cite....sentap tapi ak boleh terima

3)dia lupa byk perkara...sentap tapi ak rela

4) dia cakap ak suka pkr negatif...sentap tapi mmg betul. da terlintas di hati, terpikir, hati da bergelora. cuma ak je tak pandai simpan =(

5) dia ingat dia punca segalanya...sentap dan makin sentap bila sampai la ni tak msg kata ok..tipu jela ckp ok.ak tak kan cuba korek2 lagi da whether ko ckp benar ke tak. da tak da. tak perlu. 

ak da ok, da boleh terima tapi end up dia marah. keadaan tak best da. jadi makin serba salah sebab terus terang. serba salah sbb bersikap keanak anakkan. 

tiba2 hidup rasa kosong semula...

kosong bukan macam masa dia merajok selama setahun dulu..

kosong as if dia mmg nak tinggalkan ak.

takpela, do what u're happy at. tanak kawan ckp terus terang. 

penat melayan perasaan.

patut gi kaunseling perasaan ni..adehhh...

saya da ok la...cuma jangan diam. jangan merajok..buat la ape pun awak nak as long as saya tau awak ada ok. hilang2 ni tak best. majok2 ni bukan sikap lelaki..huahuahua...

pening org kalo baca post ak. yup, i know i'm bad at explaining things...bajet org baca kan. haha..okbai =)

 

interbiu tadi- i'm hired...tapi mock sajo...

-career talk-

should i or shouldnt i pursue my education to professional level??

bagaimana ya bapak2, ibu2 sekalian....dimana dong? gwe lagi runsing....

en shameer ckp tadi, "it's not that having a degree is not good. it's sufficient if u want to pursue ur career OUTSIDE accounting field or retain working in the malaysian government. but if u want to expand ur carrier, hell man u need a professional qualification" (dialog telah di otter bagi propaganda ayat)

company's are having a tough time deciding on degree's candidate, then for sure u need to stand out with some extra2 thing....

itula, ai dalam dilema u... 

kalau keje dulu, plan gaji dapat boleh bayor utang piutang cik pt dgn bayor duit hantaran boypren ai ritu...ala,  si hensem wave110 yg ai da lanyak kat highway ritu. ai yg minang dia. tu ade lagi 3k. pastu, sambil2 tu saving sikit2 utk bayor yuran professional. CIMA (chartered institute of management accountant) dan ACCA (Association for Certified Chartered Accountants) ni bukan Malaysian based. tapi London based. tu negara prince williams sanun tu. fees for seating and exam semua dalam pound. cth kalo satu paper pound sterling 100, dlm ringgit (darab 6) ada la dalam 600.. under Uitm, kalo amik professional, exam and tuition fees utk 5 paper adala dalam 

RM9000 +/-.... kot nan ado sponsor, mau slim ai pikir mana nak bayar 9k tu?? ada ai wat nikah segera, dapat hantaran 10k terus blah...hahaha....gurau je. hal nikah ni mane boleh buat main. berdosa mengotorkan ikatan yg suci murni ni..

that was my plan...initially....keje setahun lebih, kumpul experience baru pegang penselbox jadi student balik..

di tangan yg sebelah lagi (in the other hand) terooossss straight to further study ni bagus jugak. sbb otakku fresh lagi. tengok buku belum alergik naik ruam2 gatal bagai sbb spirit study tu ada lg. kot sok da keja pulltime, takut ai da susah nak bermesra dengan buku. nak divide masa dan berlaku adil antara study dengan keje. ai risau nanti menyesal di kemudian hari sbb tak dengar nasihat en shameer. adeyy....

all and all ai rasa tinggi tanggungjawab utk tak membebankan ptptn/family. nak kumpul duit sendiri baru sambung study...hati berat ke situ. tapi jiwa tak setuju. suro jugak terus sambung belajar. kalo dapat complete dlm 1 1/2 year takpe, tapi jenis otak manja perlu dibelai berulang2 supaya faham subjek, takut terlebey masa plak. pastu, da terlopong tak keje lagi org len sibuk buat family. guess mmg ai ni mmg glass-half empty punye org. suke pkr dahsyat2. bukan ape, nak kena tgk dari mcm2 segi, segi financial, segi planning, segi college...=P

ai dlm dilemma u..

sedalamnye pikir, ai rasa mcm nak bagi lepas 2,3 adik belajar dulu baru sambung. tak best kalo jadi selfish asyik2 kita je sambung, sambung dan sambung lagi. adik2 belajar takde org tanggung. dulokala belanja murah. sara hidup murah. ptptn dpt satu semester cukup. sekarang barang sana sini mahal. beli ayam pun pikir nak kerat 14. belum beli daging, ikan, buku, meja, pakaian....besar kemungkinan ai keja dulu. atleast sikit2 dapat tolong tu, da lebih alrite la org kata. family ai besar kau, satu team bola cukup. ada goal keeper, striker bagai. so, i olls yg eheemmmm (*batok gatal anak tekak) tua ni kena beralah. ai hope for the best. semoga semua boleh sukses

planning 5 tahun lagi:

1) mesti da sambung professional -i prefer CIMA.

2) saving da boleh buat downpayment beli rmh

3) atleast keje da stabil

4) adik yg kecik umo 9 thn, my mummy plak da 56. suppose my mami takyah riso pasal nak retire. dia shud be happy lagi and da plan nak gi haji. 

5) kayo acik nak kayo...=P

some ppl Tuhan bagi dia easy way of making money. ada minat, ada opportunity ada facility. the rest, Tuhan bagi hard way of earning money. mmg rasa hard gile nak earn a few hundreds for a month living expenses. but one way or another, strong will mesti ada.  

sepayah mana yg ku rasa, ak masih bertuah- dapat belajar luar negeri, dapat makan hari2, dapat tido atas tilam, dapat mandi dapat gosok gigi. ya, tak semua orang dapat nikmat macam tu. kalau rasa susah, tak penah lapar tahan 2,3 hari..rasa susah, tak pernah kena tido bawah jembatan. rasa susah, tak pernah plak tido berbantal lengan, bertilamkan simen, beratapkan langit. 

jadi mesti kena kuat. susah2 ai, ada susah lagi.

jangan mengeluh sangat cik ida, nti Tuhan marah. 

and yg penting, jangan mudah give up. 

ok, jawapan kepada shud i or shudnt i kat atas tuh, terjawab la akhirnya...

i should pursue to professional level sebab ai nak bertahan lama dalam line accounting and nak gi jauh...tapi bukan directly lepas degree...

tgu acik stabil baru gi sambung study. persetankan mood study atau simptom alergik. sekarang pun kau malas pegang buku, drama je lebih.hah!
kalau rasa demotivated pasal org laen ada, aku tadee. tu semua kerja sheatooon... 

 suka kalo kite lemah, putus semangat.
mengucap banyak2 bila rasa down ok =) 

and penting cik ida, u jangan la belajar tinggi ke menara gading tapi masih jual ikan (selfish). 
sama2 perbaiki diri, perbaiki family...
what happen, had happened. what's next, its ur to determine. 

hati tenang

segala kesulitan- sudah diluahkan...

segala salah faham- telah dibetulkan...

segala kerumitan- telah dipermudahkan

=) 

tapi ak belum habis settle down dengan orang sepatutnya. 

ego melangit tinggi, gasak kau la ida! 

jangan nanti makin jauh, menyesal tak sudah.

kata friends forever...tapi touching sikit nak lari merajuk bawak diri dalam bilik.

hahaha

certain time, diri sendiri la yang paling susah nak faham.

perangai berubah-ubah

sekejap menggada, sekejap rilex je =P

pagi nanti ada program uitm...hbs sudah weekend ak. no more weekend. the week doesnt literally end.

tapi takpela. savor the time while it last. sekejap je da 2 1/2 tahun kat s.alam.

mcm2 hal. pahit manis, pening pale, gile semua ada.

dulu tertanya2 bila nak grad

sekarang dah dekat nak grad, tertanya2 cepatnye masa berlalu..

yup, 24jam dulu tak macam sekarang. few lucky je dapat feel and utilize the whole day. others, mamai terumbang ambing dengan segala macam perkara, tak sedar hari da senja.

ok..tatau nak tulis ape lagi...

end up dengan a statement i made up myself. 

tak gheti tulis pantun ke syair...the least buat statemnt ala2 ada rhymes sikit. ittew shuke mcm ni... 

there's so much of try and error. so much of mistake there and here. so much of laughter and tears. lil much of memories of ya. there's so much the heart can't take, so much that if continue, i may regret. too much of hope with little effort, too much of strength with little support. too much of everything w/out u knowing. so much of u saying i'm boring. so much of a soul can ever take. this too much of u, can make the heart weak. hey friend, skip the excuses lets get to bye. yes, its u whose so busy cant afford a hye.

sentap

truth hurt. 

benar.

hari tu, "tercheck" hendpon member...

sbb rs dia mcm dia sembunyikan sesuatu...dia ni bad liar. tak pandai tipu. so, kalo dia tipu-

SANGAT OBVIOUS!!

lepas tu sentap. touching sendiri. the best is, dia tatau yg kita tau ap yg dia tau. 

lepas tu, start la membawa diri,sedih touching bagai kan?

cuba gak uji tanya soalan sikit2, still menampakkan dia main nyorok2...

tula, daripada sakit hati sbb tatau cite, da makin touching sbb tau cite yg tak sepatutnye.

salah siapa??? salah...ermm....dia la sbb men nyorok2. kata member baik, takkan nak sorok..npe nak sorok? unless u've done something that'll make me mad...betul tak??

tapi sebetulnya, salah diri sendiri...menggatal sangat layan perasaan curiosity tu da kenapa?

kan da sentap. sentap plak sorang2. tadee org layan.

pastu mula la, keje tabley buat. takde mood. takde feeling. 

value added: awak plak mmg jenis paranoid pny org. suke pkr mcm2. makin teruk la kesannye..

ahahaha....sentap lagi ni tapi tabley nak marah. sbb, sendiri cari pasal. itu org kata- truths hurt. 

lebih baik jadi org bodoh tatau apa2 dari jadi org terlebih bijak cari jawapan and end up jumpa benda yg tamau jmp.

dear kawan, kalo ko tak selesa dengan ak, bgtau la knp. sorry sbb ak syok sendiri consider ko kawan baik. yela, suppose kan kawan baik share byk benda. tapi, u're not willing to share things with me. guess, i'm not ur bestfriend after all. and deep down ak dapat rasa, after habis belajar ni kita akan jarang gile contact. and maybe tak contact langsung. mcm cuti2 sem yg lepas. accident pun ak yg inform sendiri. eh, da melalut touching nye. apa pun, maaf sbb ak bukan perkara terbaik yg terjadi dlm hidup ko. i'm well aware of it.

dan

jangan disangka hubungan yg like forever takkan goyah. atok nenek boleh bercerai, inikan kalo friendship yg baru 4 thn, 6 thn ni....huh! truth hurts. 

the least ak blh buat, kuatkan hati and yup move on.

5 minggu lagi before final exam. 

kenapa tah rasa makin tak bermaya....

okbai =(

randomly mumbling

Aku berjalan, bukan untuk pergi, tapi pulang. Melihat, bukan untuk mencari, tapi mengerti. Berbicara, bukan untuk didengari, tapi mendengari. Aku ingin pulang dari jauh, ingin mengerti dari yang hilang, ingin mendengar dari dalam. Yang berbisik, bukan yang dikhabarkan. Dalam kata yang tak dituturkan. Bahasa yang tak diajarkan. Atas dasar fizik bahan dan sifat keadaan, dalam mengenal tangan yang menulis setiap kejadian (Qaisy Jaslenda )

well, today story were nothing much bout me thou today is one of the heartaching day. byk sentap2 ni nyah. mak tak suke tau..@__@

oh, well lets make it random subject. randomly such as Kim K most controversial divorce ever. i wonder what is it that lack in her relationship?? i mean most ppl wud go for the tough guy,the hot girl, the big money etc etc that Kim K lucky to have all those criteria in one single marriage. she gain like 18million for her marriage and from an investor point of view, there's a lot of investment lost! her ex-husband is tall and hot and handsome ohh..mood gatal suda naik tapi tula, we human put up the list of all criteria that we shud have to make things work but end up it didnt work. so, wud do we really want or need exactly?? 

and for local stories of course the ever controversial trio: memey-norman-abby. ppl said that having kids will strengthen the relationship. but seem like having 3 kids only make the couple's relationship go way out of side. what are their real objective was when they sign the solemnization's contract before? is it for love, for fun or for trial?? it's creepy to think that love do wear off after some times. to think that each couple somehow will loss their track on the real objective of their relationship after seriously commit to each other. to have those lovey dovey thingy but end up bluffing each other thru out the relationship.

ok, some ppl might hate me to this point because putting the blame on the fav celebrities. they are actor and actress. that's what they do. they play us, fool us with those sad story of being the victim bla bla bla. they end up mixing their work with real life. who am i to put the blame? do i get this extra immunity towards everlasting relationship to point out fingers? well, i dont get extra immunity but what i'm trying to highlight is, what do we people really want in a relationship??are they celebrities tired of normal controversy they decide to try on new one??  and making a big fuss about it will eventually makes people say things bout u and they cant really get mad arent they? kalo mulut tempayan tak terbuka, how shud i know what's inside.

for me, relationship means like 2 people agreed to work out all the possible options together until no options left. 

have they try all the possible options yet?? have they? or do one of them decide to give up regardless what the consequences are? we'll never know. only this trio knows better. and for Kim K, i wonder how u can so deeply in love with each other on the altar less than a month before u finally decide to cut it off. human's feeling is indeed  strange. hope happily ever after doesnt only happen in fairytale =)

the 2nd random would be the GAY issue. honestly speaking, i feel blessed to have this notty2 feeling towards cute guys...hahahaha...i feel normal. but so does these homosexual clan. they feel that it's normal to fall for the same sex. they have the right to do so and people who disagree just gonna abuse their feeling. i would love to narrow the disagreement thru religion point of view. I'm far from a good muslim but being a muslim, we must obey to the do's and dont's. our predecessor, umat Nabi Nuh dulu ditimpa bala oleh Allah kerana kedegilan mereka dengan naluri sendiri- further read ini. saya tidak berhak mengatakan anda salah atau tak. saya jugak tak berhak menafikan hak anda. jauh sekali berhak untuk menghukum anda. cuma saya nak anda nilai dan buat keputusan sebetulnya. kenapa mengaku Islam kalau tak boleh berdiri dilandasan nya?? kemudian, ada kata2 touching dan simpati bahawa golongan gay beragama islam terseksa sebab they are mentally abused by the public. orang ramai tak boleh terima kehadiran mereka and yada yada yada lagi. mereka yg membuatkan anda rasa jeles dgn kebebasan mereka adalah bukan islam or tidak beragama. agama mereka mungkin tidak melarang naluri sesama jantina berleluasa. apa yang saya nak highlight kat sini lebih kepada pengakuan. common la, cth mcm join jadi ahli gym. syarat2 adalah ahli kena ada towel, berpakaian sukan dsb. so, nak jadi Islam kena la patuh pada larangan. bila anda tetap berpendirian teguh ttg naluri yg terdorong ke arah sesama jantina, dan anda masih mengaku Islam, sebenarnya anda telah memberi perspektif buruk ttg Islam. org start cakap "ala, ak tengok si mamat dengan boboy tu Islam, melayu plak tu rilex je couple dua" and another person start arguing "ish, nama je Islam, tapi tak straight. ape islam tak kisah ke? ke tak ajar?"

seperti kata pepatah, kerana nila setitik, rosak susu sebelanga. kerana golongan anda yang well aware diri tidak mahu mengikut rules, kami sebilangan yang lain dicop penjahat kerana tidak adil. dilabel agama yang tidak memahami naluri manusia. semua pandangan negatif ni membawa maksud Islam bukan sebuah agama toleransi. sangat rigid dan kejam. ohh, jangan la melanggar undang2 jalan raya dan end up cakap undang2 tu salah. jangan melanggar tiang dan salahkan tiang berada di tengah jalan.=P jangan tersalah sangka plak saya membenci golongan gay. saya tidak. malah ada kalangannya, kawan2 saya. tak dapat menegur dgn kata2, hanya berdoa di dalam hati semoga mereka berubah. malah kadang saya simpati kerana mereka terpaksa berdepan dengan dugaan maha hebat. tapi berbaliklah kepada agama dan kepercayaan. banyakkan berdoa semoga dipermudah urusan dan dapat membuang perasaan itu. cumanya, saya pinta jika sebelum ni ada statement "saya gay, saya ok" jgn la ada statement lain seperti "saya gay melayu, saya ok" atau "saya islam tapi gay.dan saya ok" 

oh..sangat la tidak ok..janganla merosakkan nilai murni sesuatu kaum dan agama dengan mengaitkan sesuatu yg dilarang kepadanya. 

kalau rasa tertekan sebab terpaksa bersembunyi, face it. kalau rasa tertekan sebab yang disekeliling tak sokong, face it. kalau rasa tertekan kerana seolah tidak mendapat hak kebebasan hidup, face it. u disobey the rules then u expect others to accept it? life aint fair. face it. 

3rd random thing nak babbling about is tentang sesetengah orang yang tidak berpuas hati dengan sesetengah yang lain di mukabuku(*read facebook) among other things that they disagree on is bout the status. yela, kan ramai yang suka meroyan cakap macam2 kat status. lepas tu ada yang bengang sebab asyik2 si sally ni je merungut2..ai buhsan la bukak fesbuk ni.benci! rasa nak hit the wall. lepas tu naik status bengang dgn org yg naik status meroyan ni. adeke??? bijak sikit kakak. gi dkt unsubscribe button tu.hit je...then, ur life is safe from viewing other's status. ape susah..dari ko bazir masa kutuk2, bazir emosi, bazir kerut2 kat dahi, penatkan tangan ketuk2 keyboard, apekata pegang mouse, dgn satu klik, tadaaaaaa.....hilang la status org tersebut dari newsfeed anda. life is simple, kenapa nak serabut kan kepala?? kalo bengang sangat malas nak amik tau pasal budak sally ni, ape kata unfriend terus. ak slaloo buat, ak tau la. kalo rasa2 mcm tak kenal or tanak amik tau pasal org tu terus unfriend. habis cite. kan?? on behalf of all the people yang suka meroyan di wall, saya (ya, saya suka meroyan di wall) harap awak tidaklah menyusahkan diri membaca status saya yang syok sendiri. sukatila nak tulis ape kan? facebook is all about connecting people. one status is how u can learn bit by bit bout that particular person who ironically u approve as one of your friends. ntah, people mcm2 perangai.

owh, do i mention 3rd november hari sentap sedunia? tatau la maybe da dekat that time of the month tu yang moody je tapi *sigh* takpela, save it another time. sebab yg buat ai toching and sentap ni pun kengkawan jugak. malas nak elaborate. lagi touching  oh mula la mata bergenang air...huh

okla, randomly end my session with a random thanks. 

disclaimer- this post is merely based on my personal point of view. any dissatisfaction, save it to ur blog our ur heart okieh. 

welcome november

Hye November, Bye October =)

i tried to reminisce back the last time i had my November. Oh, dang i can't recall exactly things happened 2 weeks ago let alone 1 year -__-" it seem so far far away already. to everything. even to my 1230-1400 paper just now. yup, like the old saying "the farthest thing in ur life would be your past"

hurm....picking up the pieces, last November should be my final exam. yup. and then i remember having to work full time at KFC for 2 weeks before going for my internship programme. haha...the-i-thought-the-hardest-period-ever for an intern is a slice of life. i cried over hardship and tense. so does the overtime and low pay.but i gain new friendship, restore my determination, learn new things... well, this is life. everytime u think that u have been greatly hit that u thought u never recover or survive, u thought wrong. life always has surprises waiting for u on the other side of the room. u think that u've pass the test room,and u could just run away but what happened is u will bump into another. 

this time, November might be the last November i welcomed as student. entering the 8th week of study. passing my mid term test already and i start to shiver. what happen next? the rest of 6th week (8 including study week and mid term break) . what happen when i officially turn 23 this Nov 25th? what happen with the working phase? the phase where i waited long ago since i was 13. phase i thought that i would break free from everything, where i will make my own decision- my rules, my way. would i survive? huu...try to see the glass half full thou. i mean, willing to take the risk, accept this challenge. the future? lets tomorrow do the talk. 

October have been tough on me ever since it began, huuuuu....i start seeing things that i dont want to see. i can see it coming. i become unfocused on study. i cant cope with things anymore. running errands, paying for the bills, going to school. see, this semester actually the first time i'm renting outside campus because i thought of a better sleep at night every time i need to work during the weekdays.  i choose to live outside. i choose to rent out. my very own decision. Then,Assignments come piling up one after another, with quizzes, presentation, syllabus to cover . they always bugging me for better time management. money had always be my top priorities. i dont have a long term plan. always making short cut that end up biting me in future. the thought that i need to end up my semester on time is indeed a pressure. 10 months away from classes have make things difficult. its like i'm starting all over again. setting up my paces, sorting out chores, assigning things to do etc. etc things that only a freshie would do..haha

then comes the part where i need to reschedule my working hours so as to get like what 600 bucks a month? hmm...this is the hardest actually especially when i used to live with enough money in hand. i cant do two things at one time. and i'm well aware i have to forgo one for the other. it feels good to be at home at 9pm, wondering what to eat, googling things, stalking friends profile of FB. it feels good to have enough rest for tomorrow. it feels good to actually do my assignment with my body and soul are fully attached and functional. it feels good to feel like a full time student-again. i do wonder sometimes with all the ample time i endure now, would it be meaningful or would it make a difference if i used it for work?  naahh, i pass the work thingy. haha...it'll surely drained my strength out and when i woke up tmrw, i'll regret i ever work tonight. see, things are kind off leaving me with dilemma each time i choose to take an option. 

after that, come the shocking news from one of the service provider. oh well, old story where things with my ex have eaten me back. i was shocked. i would be lying if i said i didnt cry. for damn 3 f******* years i dont shed any tears after my freedom. i have to bare the debts he caused. i have to pay the cost for whatever decision i made for believing in him then. some says that i should search him back and make him pay.as for me, i've rest my case long ago. i dont want to deal with this kind of manipulator again.let him be whatever he believe he should be. i'm willing to pay the debts slowly as long as i dont have to face him. sooner or later, if Telco do strengthen its credit policy, i maybe end up blacklisted for this stupid reason. so, holding onto it for at least 10months max is  the best option i have right now and i believe it will to continue to be =)

my luck maybe waaaayyyy out of sight in october because the day after Telco case, i sprain my knee. i worked for 9 to 11 hours for straight 3 days and maybe because of the long hours standing and making order as fast as i could, my knee call for a rest..*sigh* i cried all my heart when my manager do the "massage" thing to able me to walk. honestly the tears was not fully because of the pain, but the mix feeling of the stress, the exhaustion, the little hours spent for myself. i cried myself out until i feel i need to get up. someone has to send me to class, someone has to make me breakfast, someone has to bathe me. and that someone is me. DR said my feet need to rest for atleast 2 weeks. sorry DR, duty call. i need to go to class, i need to take my exams, i need to live. i cant depend on ppl to do all of these for me, especially when i cant trust them to be 100% sincere. if there would be any slightest doubt of doing one thing, then, dont do it.

all an all, every tears do come with a smile. that's a package God promises to all mankind. i do meet interesting ppl that encourage and motivate me in his own way-actually everybody does have an impact on me last october.. i also do sign up for interesting event thou i'm not accepted, i do make changes by signing up for charity walk which i found out the very last minute that i've a test. i do start hitting the gym again, getting all sweaty and smelly for this one determination- to feel good. to feel me.i do start making effort to lose some and gain some =)

every cloud have its silver lining. every rain do comes with rainbow.everything doesnt have to be easy.it's u that have to stay still. stay put where ur heart feel u belong.November didn't promise to play nice and I'll play along. it's good to feel motivated for very simple reason.

before i end, i would love to quote my all time favourite by Robert Frost- The Road Not Taken

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. Those out there, there's always reason to continue the journey, whether u've taken the wrong road or not, u cant change it. neither of us can but u can control ur choices now-pronto.

man in pink is cute

simple, cute,funny and smells nice. its among the criteria i'm looking on a man. i dont really believe in lovey dovey thingy that most couple does know. coz, being realistic as i am, i think that love shouldnt be waste to someone that u dont think worth it. that u give a 2nd thought when it comes to "serious business". oh yes, about the smell, i want to enjoy time spent with him so he needs to smell nice so everytime spent is a time to be remembered. haha....yes, u can argue that having no boyfriend is easy for me to point out the do's and the donts. believe me, i've pass that experience once. i drained out my energy but it doesnt last.that's why i put extra precaution now..=P

among other things i seriously take into consideration is the height. must be fairly tall so i wont overshadow him. i doesnt want to appear the "tough guy" beside him. he also must be ambitious. i dont mean like going to moon to catch some stars for me..naahhh, that's lame. i meant guy that able to control his present and see his future. he also need to see his women as his companion rather than bedtime friend only. 

things that would definitely cause him several yards away from me is not-so-good smell especially when it mix with cigar's smoke. and those that have too high of self-esteem and self-proclaim. always boosting about his achievement, his ability to do this and that and blah blah blah like there's no other things to story about. huuu...boringggg.....i'm supposed be in love with u. not ur fictitious story. 

there's so much of the do's and the dont's  but i think the first impression has been covered above. but the most essential point in relationship would be chemistry. how u can accept the flaw of ur significant other. as for me, i dont have the time to actually observe around and test one guy and another. i just want to find the one and only one mr right and settle down forever. 

weirdo eh? haha...yesza ^__^

Dangerous obesity

Dangerous obesity

dugaan

3 hari ni balik lewat malam sebab kerja. *sigh* 

cane nak study, tanpa keje sgt and dapat settlekan semua hutang or tanggungan? 

money is not everything but most of the things need money. 

kelmarin, org celcom call me for bil yg tertangguh yg ak tak pernah guna pun. bil yg ex ak guna tapi pakai nama ak yg end up dia tak bayar pun. tambah lagi masalah. bukan nak ngeluh ke apa, tapi at times when ak rasa da boleh survive dgn keje few hours a week, da berubah jadi susah. salah ak jgk sbb pcy kan sgt insan bernama lelaki ni. ms tu percaya gile sampai sanggup buat ape saje. duit pun dia penah pinjam 1k tapi tak pernah pulang.  da 4 tahun da. ak happy tak ingat si gila tu. hidup ke mati ke ak pun tatau. tapi suddenly kena macam ni mmg ak sedih la. tapi takpela, nak meraung pun bukan boleh buat ape. so, baik ak byr je sikit2 mana termampu. ape dia buat pada ak atau sesapa yg lain, biar la urusan dia dgn Allah. harapnya balasan dia setimpal la buat ak mcm ni. 

ni tadi ms kt tmpt keje, lutut terseliuh. tulang kat lutut tu mcm tergelincir sikit dari tmpt dia. sakit woooo!!!! jalan mmg seret kaki la. nasib ada org tolong urut jap tadi. ok sikit nak gerak. tapi still sakit bila nak ober2 ni..heeee....tula, lately ak byk gerak kot. treadmill, aerobik, nek tangga tgkt 8 hmpr tiap hari gi kelas.so, kaki tersayang ni terkejut la. bila mcm tu, benda kecik pun boleh  buat terseliuh.

dugaan....

oh...

dugaan....

ak mintak supaya ditabahkan hati hadapi segala cabaran, and maybe ni la ujian terbaik utk ketabahan hati T_____T

da tak larat nak keje lagi....menghitung hari je nak blah. moga after hbs bljr terus dapat keje. KFC Seksyen 7, mmg ak tak sanggup da. penat dia mmg kaw2 punya.... 

okla, time to sleep. hari esok, masih teka teki. ya,semoga sy survive hari esok. meniti hari2 sehingga tiada lagi hari. kekuatan? stay la. jgn lari ok =)

of external auditor and life

Hilwani Hariri. motherly look and act. soft spoken and every detail come from her mouth is full with experience. buy things that u happy of. ignore those voices arguing whether it is original or not. whether it is expensive or not. they have nothing to do over your things. but what important is, u re happy wearing it. aaahhh, the way she shows her necklace. i dont give a damn whether it's original or not. i just see they fit together nicely. and that is very comforting view =)

      oh, and yeah we do complaint about not having our weekends. taken by the faculty for their activities. her answer was simple "treat your everyday as your sunday. getting into the working phase, u'll find ur weekend fully booked. literally, u dont have one." and she smiles =) but, what really matters is how u can change the way u see differently. "i dont consider myself waking up early for work. i'm just doing my hobby and i love it. i enjoy every single moment doing it. and u should too. please consider studying is ur hobby and u'll find urself enjoy doing ur hobby."

a woman with philosophy. i adore her so much. she is so calm that never once i saw her raise her voice nor blabbing us about not doing homework. she just smile and advice. u just dont know how to reject her saying.
life is too short to worry. too short to really care others' saying. too short not to take chances and try. spending life mainly for grieving is just a waste. live life to ur best. follow what u truly believe. be urself, never somebody else.

the big bad wolf day

lets start the day at 8am..

I woke up early which is unusual for me unless there is something important to do. I woke up  for PPKP. a compulsory program for all semester. and for final semester, it was held on 15-16th Oct. There go my weekend =(

  Anyway, the program end early at 1 o'clock which is just nice for me to vrrooomm away to Serdang. On the way back home @ Pusat Komersial, seksyen 7, s.alam  we stop to buy some snacks at giant and to my surprise it raining cats and dogs when i was just finish with snachopping.... we was stuck for like half an hour before we decide to just redah je hujan. pening kepala @__@ bila kena hujan.hahaha...cari pasal sgt kan.

its nearly 4 until the rain stops and yaaayy!! without further delay, i start my engine and vroom away to Serdang-alone! thou i'm not so sure the exact way as google maps says to use LDP but i just use my usual way back to Seremban. that's happened when technology left u wayyyyy back. i should install gprs on my phone one day.. one day ppl..haha...cliche as it sound, frankly speaking i'm not an IT freak..=P

arrived at UPM 30-45minutes after but i didnt find any sign of Big Bad Wolf!! i was like what? most of the road in UPM are one way bcoz of the convocation ceremony....sempat jugak pusing2 padang, jeling2 sportsmen yg agak tough tgh main rugby la, football la, tennis la.. hahaha until i was like pusing and pusing balik the same place (UPM is such a huge varsity. damn! it was hard if u r not familiar with it). kerana takmau dilabel si bodoh sombong, i stop to ask one of the security guard on duty about MAEPS. he said " ala, senang je follow sign MARDI" and i was like " what? punye banyak kali nmpk sign MARDI" and yeah, i didnt know T_____T
luckily sbb rempit sajo, dapatla parking atas so near to the entrance..hehe =) and masuk2 da feel the adrenalin running in my bodieh...yeah! excited kot sbb byk novels. lots and lots of em. i go from row to row, from section to section nasib bawak beg extra so throw anything in it and just lalalalaa jalan balik.. biography, cookery, novels mcm2 ada. tapi i stuck most of the time kat novels section la..heeeee....biography serious2 thingy ni adoiii belum ada guts nak baca T____T owh, ieda so terukk!!
tapi tula saya, mau jadi serius tapi tamau amik tau hal2 semasa...ok, back to dreamland, mcm boleh mandi buku kat situ and the price was sooooo damn cheap ok! Nora roberts collection semua mostly sold at RM8. what a bargain!! before pergi budget dalam 5,6 books maximum tapi sekali stuck ada dlm 30 jugak la dalam tangan. wahahaha...berat! tapi that doesnt stop me from keep going and smell the roses..eh, silap smell the books. sangat la kan...the DJ, yes they got DJ yg punya voice so sexy that makes the evening more exciting, keep announcing how many hours left....tak sedar wooo jalan2 situ nearly 4 hours...the hall was sooo big as big as one football field i guess.. 2 kali i stop to re-select the books because 1) beg suda melimpah ruah dgn berat toksah cakap 2) sebab keep on pikir naik motor muat ke nak sumbat box. heavy duty bag pack tak bawak plak. gedik bwk handbag yg akhirnya menyesal =P

tapi tula, da buat screening pun still, bila continue walking ada je interesting books for grab. buat lagi anor screening. huwaaaa....then, bila DJ da announce half an hour left before end of the fair of the year, baru feel the coldness of the night. hall tu beraircond and sy seorg yg takde bulu tangan or kaki and amat anti rasa sejuk terlampau, baru terasa sejuknya dari hujung rambut ke hujung kaki. 12 books in total ready for payment...*sigh* nak main2, jalan2 lagi..huuu..why o why la tak pergi awl2... kuar hall je da gelap gulita. dang! mula risau mana jalan balik...no security guards to ask to and i was like, rilex ida. rilex. use ur 6th sense. hahaha...nampak sign ke puchong terus rasa selamat..phewwww.....highway SKVE if i'm not mistaken. go straight and see most of the exit on the signboard were blank out except for IPOH...lalu tol ayer hitam da bedetup jantung. haha...mcm mana kalo sesat ni weeyyyy??? dang! this highway still in construction kot sbb i'm 100% sure kuar UPM tadi tulis hala ke s.alam, tapi exit2 byk tak bukak lagi...lastly, exit saujana putra masuk ELITE kot. kot ok. tak sure sbb i always tot all highways are the same. tatau nak beza2 kan..mcm berpusing balik kot. lalu dpn exit serdang balik...hwaa...tapi takpela going straight je no belok2 nampak la sign ke s.alam. terus lega merempit dgn 100km/ph

all and all, sampai rumah 10 lebih dengan sejuk terlampau. kol 11 da pass out. tidooo sebab gile tak larat. overall, an exciting journey kot. book fair mcm ni mmg kena gi awal baru u really puas hati. hopefully next year i'll not miss out or lambat tau lagi...huuu....nway, credit to Afiq Redzuan and some of my FB friends yg dok cerita pasal buku and the big bad wolf sampai i nekad nak check it out sendiri...
Ahad tak kerja, so hati banyak gembira.....

7th ramadhan

it was my 5th weeks going back and forth from seremban-shah alam, shalam-seremban. (refer to google about 81.9 km)

here a brief introduction-

i work part time at KFC. during the semester break, i was requested to take care of both my grandparents as my nanny operate her left eye and she wish to celebrate this Eid here at seremban. as Star 2, my salary has increase to RM4.++ per hour and i hope to remain it that way until next semester. if i took 2 month UPL, i'll be considered quit and i'll need to start all over again. then, i decide to work on weekend as my aunties and uncles can look after their parents while i'm at work.

on the 5th weekend, it's the 1st week of Ramadhan. almost everyday from monday to friday, i'll woke up around 4am, "sahur" and around 6 or 7 am i'll go to my parents' house and send my brother to "Pusat Dalam Komuniti"....balik tu mandikan atok uruskan dia makan, jemur kain etc, i then amik abang around 12. balik terus prepare nak masak and bagi atok makan. gitu gini malam baru rehat tido...maybe this week sgt hectic yang membuat my body stress.

then, last friday going back to shah alam utk wat part time...and on sunday, after kerja

friday- 11pm until 8am

saturday- 3pm until 12 am

sunday- 7am until 4pm

balik seremban semula...takde rehat as i was rushing takot my aunt tgu lama..imagine how much sleep i get especially during the fast month...huhhhh.........

tgh2 rempits, suddenly tak sedar. sedar kejap masa tgh sliding dekat lurah tepi jalan raya but i tot it was just a dream. and i continue fall into a deep sleep. tak lama lepas tu org ramai kerumun..dgn anggota paramedik.

guy 1- "dik, bangun2 awk accident"

me- "ha, yeke? call umi" >>>>referring to my fon.

pastu tak sedar dah naik ambulance. sedar jap masa makcik ckp "tula da ckp toksah keje..bla..bla..bla"

......tak sedar semula.....

my jeans and swater were rip off by the MA..tak sedar jugak

then, diaorg buat x-ray kepala, perut, tgn etc etc...takut any fracture...

pastu DR tekan2 my tummy takut ada organ luka..then scan mcm scan baby tu tgk some 'fluid' bwh tulang rusuk kiri and buat CT Scan...masuk la zon merah kejap..next thing i know i was in wad 8B, katil 22. masuk air, and one fluid i cant remember its name sbb tekanan darah rendah. leher kena pakai collar.

kena masuk O2 sbb O2 dlm darah rendah..tak blh makan and minum sbb DR takut nti air masuk lung and kalo makan muntah-balik-tapi-tak-keluar-habis and affect the lung.

semalam DR Rakesh pakar tulang tengok and he said that no fracture. just maybe sakit sebab hentakan/ tekanan dpd pemakaian helmet. my collar was removed and i can eat..

after that, DR suro try jalan2 exercise and tengok if da ok semua..then probably tuesday(today) will be discharge.

hari ni, pakai soft collar because i feel very stiff bila nak pusing kiri kanan...

DR suggest pakai until the pain relief and he said the pain will be there for quite some time jugak la...any fluid and O2 mmg da removed.

hari ni kol 4 i discharged. lebam2 obvious dekat lengan kiri...luka terseret sikit kat tangan kanan. and atas bibir bengkak.

lebam tu lebih kurang mcm gini la jgk:-

Syukur kepadaNya, boleh gerak, boleh jalan, boleh cakap mcm biasa...muka wlpn kurang cun still blh baik punye..it's a reminder for me and everyone else -DO NOT OVERWORK YOURSELF!!!

rasa sakit bila nak gerakkan tangan kiri mmg ya rabbi sbb lebam dia besar..tak boleh la nak main swing je tangan sesuka hati. nak gerak kan leher pun ssh...tokleh nak angguk2 geleng2 sesuka hati je.

and most of all, it is a relief bila my boyfie wave 110 selamat...cermin kiri and kanan je patah..sikit calar balar and few skru hilang. herot sikit je tapi boleh jalan mcm biasa...

pesanan dari penaja- pakai la pakaian yg menutup dan cover segalanya. as for me, i wore a jeans with sweater and hand glove and of course helmet to minimise the injury that may occur during the bad day. we never knew. just be prepared. and, pls dont push yourself. redha mungkin rezeki tuhan lebih besar yg kita tak duga...

To those yang ada and call the ambulance around 5pm-6pm dekat dengan hentian Nilai at PLUS Highway, your kindness are relly appreciated...i really tak larat nak bangun masa tu.

to all the nurses and doctor yg malam tengok ada, esoknye pun tengok ada, i'm really greatful sebab w/out you alls tatau la nasib org mcm i ni...and to those staff dkt A&E, ZON MERAH and WAD 8B, Hospital Tuanku Jaafar Seremban----Thanks a lot...

kepada yang lain- drive carefully..jgn ingat org tersyg sgt sbb because ingat2 la i rushing nak balik and tak cukup rehat...

*sigh*

baru sampai shah alam dari seremban jam 9 mlm tadi...lega tak terkira..merempit selama 2 jam bukan perkara yg fun..memerlukan fokus, dan semangat yang jitu...susu haruslah minum untuk menjaga tulang yg terpaksa berdepan dgn kesejukan semasa merempit. semoga pengorbanan ini, bernilai disisiNya...hari ni kecik ati sikit. mungkin kerana pengaruh bulan purnama atau mungkin kerana perasaan ini telah ku tahan sejak kecik lagi. kecik ati lumrah biasa...tapi harus ku sedar dia org tua yang sudah terbiasa dengan caranya...

berhenti kerja.

mudahnya membuat penutup untuk suatu bebanan. tapi menjadi ieda yg ini, masa depan harus aku timbang.. buruk baik nya keputusanku sekarang, biarlah tiada sesalan kemudian. gaji ku sebagai part time di s7 sudah meningkat.. berbaloi dgn pengorbanan selama setahun lebih berkhidmat utk atok colonel. Boyfriend baru yg dibeli januari lepas bayaran ansuran rm140. ku lamar jugak boyfriend ku wave 110 untuk kemudahan harian semasa praktikal lepas. Nahh, lepas praktikal masih kena bayar ansuran. rumah sewa, bulan2 termasuk api air ada dalam rm150. makan pakai ku di bumi org. buku, buku dan buku serta stationery, maintenance motor, minyak motor, sakit pening dll adalah dalam rm150 sebulan. itu baru anggaran. pinjaman ASNB telah terlajak buat. berat sikit nak bayar bulan2 tapi pikir panjang, bila seru kahwin dh smpi 5 thn lagi ke, pinjaman tu boleh ku tebus buat belanja kawin....takyah ssh2 pikir...lain la mmg da muktamad ak kawin dgn millionaire.

boyfriend 140

rumah dsb 150

maintenance dll 150

ASNB 260

TOTAL 700

SEE!! i need at least rm700 for my total expenses... ptptn?? nett yg dpt dlm rm2800 per semester...or 400++ per month.. i want to continue working part time. and with that, it's a loss if i surrender the rm4.80 per hour now, so that i could take care of my grandparents full time in this 2 months and START ALL OVER AGAIN working at s7. penat!! penat menggapai bintang bila sendirian. mereka pandai berkata, bercakap apa saja..realitinya??? aku menanggung seorg diri...selain ptptn, i DONT HAVE ANY OTHER SOURCE OF INCOME...keluarga ak besar.14 of us with 1 breadwinner. i'm being independent and survive sendiri. semua yg berkata, tahukah mereka how would i feel tersepit disini??

friday evening until sunday evening that i need to continue working here kalau taknak dikira berhenti kerja sebab cuti lama sangat. banyak sangat ke aku mintak?? ssh sgt ke the 10 of u discuss and be there for your own parents?? bila lagi...

in the end, i become helpless~~~

p/s-owh ya! pasal kecik ati tu, pasal org lain...nvm, beliau da tua. mungkin da terbiasa bersikap 'pilih kasih' sejak dulu lagi...yup, children have a strong memory and i'm one of them. ak simpan kot.....sampai sekarang..adeehhhhh:(